Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

You might be a redneck if… you went to your mother’s prom!

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.
The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” And he did!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig’s house and said, “Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house.”

So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” And he did!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the bricks pigs’ house and said, “Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down.”

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up.

The wolf said “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared!

But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up.

Out step three pigs named Louie, Vito,and Dominic.

These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living heck out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in the wolf’s mouth and fired.

Then they got back into their limo and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!

“Who the hell were those guys?” they asked.

“Those were my cousins from North Jersey–the Guinea Pigs.”

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, “What is this, father?”

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, “I have no idea what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, “Go get your mother.”

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.

Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.

“What do you have in your pocket?”, she asked.

“Tennis ball,” the man said smiling back.

“Wow,” said the blond looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!”

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $8.
“But I already paid you! Don’t you remember?” says the customer.

“Okay,” says the bartender, “if you said you paid, then I suppose you did.”

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer, and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, “Okay, if you said you paid, then I suppose you did.”

The customer then goes outside, sees a friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs. Some time later, the bartender leans over and says, “You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed that they had paid. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get his ass….”

The man interrupts, “Don’t bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”