Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

An English explorer was taking part in an expedition to the
Himalayas.

Led by a grizzled local guide, they ascended one of the less
frequently climbed peaks. Roughly half way up the side of the
mountain, one of the expedition came across a set of large
manlike tracks in the snow.

“Yeti tracks” the guide said with a gruff voice as he passed
them, “One thing you must know before we proceed; Do not, under
any circumstances, touch the yeti.”

The expedition heeded his warning and continued to climb the
slope, night fell and the explorers set up their tents. In the
dead of night the Englishman awoke to the sound of his tent
entrance unzipping. Half asleep he looked up to see an enormous
eight foot yeti standing above him. In fear for his life the
explorer jumped up and ran out of the tent, banging into the yeti
in the process. The yeti, after being touched by the explorer let
out a deafening howl and began to chase the explorer down the
slope.

The explorer ran away from the camp as quickly as his legs could
take him, after he rounded a corner he looked behind him to see
the bounding form of the yeti still chasing him.

So the explorer continued to run, reaching the bottom of the
mountain in just two days, exhausted he paused to rest awhile.
After just a few moments, the explorer began to hear the soft
‘thud thud thud’ of yeti feet on snow, he looked up the slope to
see the yeti still chasing him and only moments away.

The explorer took off again, reaching a supply shack a couple of
miles away, once there quickly buying a mountain bike and
pedalling his way to the nearest town, some fifty miles away. The
journey took him several days over the rough terrain and after
his arrival he booked into a hotel to recuperate.

Two days later the man left his hotel to see about booking
transport back to England. As soon as he turned around though he
saw the form of the yeti on the horizon, bounding towards him at
great speed. Mortified by this sight, the explorer hurriedly
bought a car and drove it away from the village all the way to
Delhi. Once he arrived, the man wasted no time in getting on the
next plane to London.

After his arrival back in London, the man went back to his London
home for a while to recover and to plan his next expedition. He
had been there less than two weeks and was gazing out of a window
when he saw a familiar large bounding, manlike creature running
down his street; the man couldn’t believe it, somehow the yeti
had followed him to England!

The man had little choice but to run away again, he used any
means he could, bike, car, or on foot to try to escape the yeti,
but each time he looked behind him, it was just moments before
the yeti came into view.

Eventually the man made it all the way to Edinburgh and from
there ran into the open Scottish countryside. He continued to run
but the yeti just kept getting closer and closer, and in the end
the man could run no more.

With the yeti less than a minute away from him, the man finally
stopped and turned around to face the oncoming creature. With the
last of his strength he stood up straight as the yeti caught up
with him. The eight foot tall yeti towered above the man who
could only stare in terror. The yeti extended his hand and poked
the Englishman squarely in the chest with one long finger and
with a low rumbling voice the yeti began to speak:

“Tag!”

The tour bus traveling through northern Nevada passed
briefly at the Mustang Ranch, near Sparks.

The guide noted: “We are now passing the largest house
of prostitution in America.”

A male passenger shouted: “WHY?!?”

An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. “Aaah!” he said. “We’re right over my homeland.”

“How can you tell?” asked the American.

“I can feel the cold air.” he replied.

A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. “Aah we’re right over my homeland.” he said.

“How do you know that?” asked the Russian. “I can feel the heat of the desert.”

Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. “Aah, we’re right over New York.”

The Russian and the African were amazed. “How do you know all of that?” they exclaimed.

The American pulled his hand up. “My watch is missing.”

The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual event that took place during a flight.

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

“Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”

From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, “Wow! It just missed the highway!”

Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando.

“When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.”

“If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”