Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

I’ve seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life
is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on
how great menopause will be….

Puhleeeeeeeze!

I’ve had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with
you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60
(or maybe even just pushing your luck) you’ll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down.
This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror
and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube
top and scream, Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell
and those will too.

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and
we’re sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, teenager and think:
“For this I have stretch marks?”

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can
retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand
McNally — more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of
Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective…
You start pondering the big questions. What is life? Why am I here?
How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a
healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our
loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the
knowledge that you have now for the body you had way back when?

Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and
love we’ve acquired.

That’s my philosophy and I’m sticking to it!

If I knew it would be the last time That I’d see you fall asleep, I
would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in
praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them
back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute to
stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your
day, well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this
one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and
we always get a second chance to make everything just right.

There will always be another day to say “I love you,” And certainly
there’s another chance to say our “Anything I can do?”

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I’d like
to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today
may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day,

That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their
one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, Tell
them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear
Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” or
“It’s okay.” And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about
today.

Data falls in love with the replicator.

Kirk, or Riker, falls in love with a woman on a planet they
visit, and isn’t tragically separated from her at the end of
the episode.

The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less
advanced people which is made significantly easier by the
Starfleet Prime Directive.

An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives
to tell the tale.

Scotty doesn’t mention the laws of physics.

Kirk doesn’t end up kissing the troubled guest-female before
she doesn’t sacrifice herself for him.

Picard visits the sickbay and requests the cure for baldness.

After meeting the hostile inhabitants of a planet, the Away-Team’s
phasers are more then adequate for their defense.

Data falls in love with the replicator.

Kirk, or Riker, falls in love with a woman on a planet they
visit, and isn’t tragically separated from her at the end of
the episode.

The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less
advanced people which is made significantly easier by the
Starfleet Prime Directive.

An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives
to tell the tale.

Scotty doesn’t mention the laws of physics.

Kirk doesn’t end up kissing the troubled guest-female before
she doesn’t sacrifice herself for him.

Picard visits the sickbay and requests the cure for baldness.

After meeting the hostile inhabitants of a planet, the Away-Team’s
phasers are more then adequate for their defense.

Data falls in love with the replicator.

Kirk, or Riker, falls in love with a woman on a planet they
visit, and isn’t tragically separated from her at the end of
the episode.

The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less
advanced people which is made significantly easier by the
Starfleet Prime Directive.

An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives
to tell the tale.

Scotty doesn’t mention the laws of physics.

Kirk doesn’t end up kissing the troubled guest-female before
she doesn’t sacrifice herself for him.

Picard visits the sickbay and requests the cure for baldness.

After meeting the hostile inhabitants of a planet, the Away-Team’s
phasers are more then adequate for their defense.