Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

Significantly better than most; attachment is predictable, but a
clever use of technology.

Subject: HIGH DEFINITION HILARITY

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing
in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after
they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more
damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Life is too short, must read.

“The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.”
Keisha A. Green

Happiness On Hold
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,
have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids
aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are. After
that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will
certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell
ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or
her act together, when we get a nicer car, are we able to go on a
nice vacation, or when we retire. The truth is, there’s no better
time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will
always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself
and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure
every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared
it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with.. and
remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting….
–until your car or home is paid off
–until you get a new car or home
–until your kids leave the house
–until you go back to school
–until you finish school
–until you lose 10 lbs.
–until you gain 10 lbs.
–until you get married
–until you get a divorce
–until you have kids
–until you retire
–until summer
–until spring
–until winter
–until fall
–until you die

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a
journey, not a destination. So —
Work like you don’t need money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
And dance like no one’s watching.

(A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks

than the British or Americans.

(B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

(D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It’s speaking English that
kills you.

A young lady, named Sally, relates an experience she had in a
seminary class given by her teacher, Dr.Smith. She says Dr. Smith
was known for his elaborate object lessons. One particular day,
Sally walked into the class and knew they were in for a fun day.

On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts.
Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they
disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow
them to throw darts at the person’s picture.

Sally’s girlfriend drew a picture of a girl who had stolen her
boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother.
Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of
detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally
was pleased at the overall effect she had achieved. The class lined
up and began throwing darts, with much laughter and hilarity.

Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their
targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and
was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time
limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat
thinking about how angry she was because she didn’t have a chance
to throw any darts at her target, Dr. Smith began removing the
target from the wall. Underneath the target was a picture of
Jesus…..

A complete hush fell over the room as each student viewed the
mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face
and His eyes were pierced. Dr. Smith said only these words…..
“In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren,
ye have done it unto Me.” Matthew 25:40

No other words were necessary; the tear-filled eyes of each student
focused only on the picture of Christ.

Pass it on. Jesus said, “If you are ashamed of me, I will be
ashamed of you before my Father.”
If you’re not ashamed, pass this on.

These are interesting trivia facts!

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this…)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour:
61,000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in
1910.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
13. Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from
history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
16. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a
result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of
natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
17. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July
4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed
on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years
later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
18. “I am.” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
19. Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes
them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever
won a Super bowl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
21. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional
sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the
day after the Major League all-stars Game.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
22. Q. What separates “60 Minutes,” on CBS from every other TV show?
A. No theme song
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
23. Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
24. Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular
boat name requested?
A. Obsession
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
25. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to
go until you would find the letter “A”?
A. One thousand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
26. Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers,
and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
27. Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
A. Honey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
28. Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day
of the year?
A. Father’s Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
29. Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is
the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
30. Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
31. In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making
the bed firmer to sleep on.
-Hence the phrase “goodnight, sleep tight”.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
32. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for
a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his
son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer
and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called
the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
33. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old
England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at
them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It’s where
we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
34. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed
a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your
whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
35. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen
Only Ladies Forbidden. and thus the word GOLF entered into the
English language.