Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

A message from Santa:

Hello folks. I just wanted to let you know that Christmas may be
a little late this year. See after checking all the boxes and
tallying them up, I found some problems with the results.

The first result showed: 428,534,120 Good 428,523,119 Bad

The second result showed: 428,534,118 Good 428,523,121 Bad

So you see, I can’t, with good faith, go out and deliver presents
while knowing I could have made a mistake. Maybe Little Johnny was
good for once, then again, maybe not.

So, I have enlisted the help of all my elves and the Mrs. To help
do a recount. We hope to have this finished up by 5pm on the 24th
of December, but there is a possibility that it might take longer.
You see the tally cards were not quite clear to me, although I made
them my-self, I forgot what they meant.

You know, Good…and Bad??? And the check marks I used were not all
the same, some went left, some right, some were just a mark. some
went through both boxes, and some didn’t even have much of a mark
on them. I leave it up to them to decide what I meant.

So if you wake up on Christmas morning, and there are no presents
under your tree, at least you can tell the kids the story.
Thank you for your patience and understanding in these times.

HO HO HO

After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He
decided to help. He said “Adam, I’ve decided to make you a woman.
She’ll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you.”
Adam said “Great! How much will she cost me?” The answer came back,
“An arm and a leg.” “Well,” said
Adam “what can I get for a rib?”

An Angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean
that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior,
the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth,
wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects
infinite wisdom.

“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke
and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the
dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At
length, one of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.”

The dean looks at them and says, “I should have taken the money.”

One night Superman was really bored and had nothing to do. SO he
decided that he would go out and see what his superhero buddies were
doing. So he goes flying through town and he spots Batman.

“Hey Batman! How’s it going? Wanna catch a movie or something?” says
Superman. “Oh, I’d love too, but I’ve been lazy lately and gotta catch
up on my bat training”

This upsets Superman and he leaves and starts to fly around town and
he spots Spiderman, and he swoops down to talk.

“Hey Spiderman! Wanna catch some hot chicks and have a good night on
the town?” asks Superman. “Not tonight Superman, I’ve got a hot date
with my girlfriend”

By this time, Superman is mad and decides to take a long fly. As he’s
flying he leaves town and come upon a huge field. All of a sudden,
Superman can’t believe his eyes. Wonderwoman is completely nude and
bucking wildly in this open field.

Superman thinks to himself, “I could zoom down there, make wild love
to her, and zoom back up, and she’d never know it was me.” Superman
likes this idea, and decides to go for it.

He zooms down there, make wild love, and flies back up in an instant.
“Wow, that’s the best love I have ever made,” thinks Superman.
Meanwhile, Wonderwoman, confused by what just happened, asks, “what
was that?!”

“Well, I don’t know, but my butt sure does hurt,” replies the invisible
man.

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially
buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two genies
appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes
his three wishes and the genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows,
he’s in a bedroom in a mansion surrounded by fifty beautiful women. He
makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he
feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the whole of the
floor is covered in $100.00 bills. Next thing there is a knock at the
door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku
Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope
over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk
off. As they are walking away they remove their hoods, It’s the two
Genies. One genie says to the other one ” Hey, I can understand the first
wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to, I
can also understand wanting to be a millionaire.
But to be hung like ablack man is beyond me!”