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10. Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket.

9. You spend most of the game guarding the mascot.

8. Some of the players joined the team for the free headbands.

7. Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize.

6. Typical motivational speech: “Let’s hurry this up so we can shower.”

5. The scorekeeper doesn’t bother to turn on your half of the scoreboard.

4. In your region: North Carolina, Duke and the ‘98 Chicago Bulls.

3. You lead the conference in nosebleeds.

2. Team refuses to attend game because they don’t want to miss a new episode of The George Lopez Show.

1. Players ask themselves, “What would the Knicks do?”

The NHL Players Association (NHLPA) announced today that they are upset at the NHL for planning to start next year’s season with replacement players.

Their statement was unanimously endorsed by the 75% of the NHL players who are currently replacing other players in Europe.

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A “Romantic Affair” In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom. After The Event Between Them Comes To A Conclusion.

The Man Says: “It Is Almost Time For Me To Depart, But Before I Depart I Must Ask You For A Favor.”

The Woman Says: “Sure Anything!”

So The Man Asks Her If He Could Mow Her Lawn, And Of Course The Woman Allows Him To Mow Her Lawn. After The Man Is Done Mowing Her Lawn

The Woman Says: “Thanks For Mowing My Lawn”

And The Man Replies With: “Believe Me Its My Pleasure”

So The Man Goes Home To His Wife Who Is Very Angry With Him For Leaving So Early In The Morning And Coming Back In The Afternoon.

His Wife Then Angrily Says: “Where Have You Been All This Time”

The Man Smiles And Says: “Honey, I Am Not Going To Lie To You, I Have Been Having An Affair With A Lovely Young Woman Just A Few Miles From Here”

The Woman Startled Looks At His Grass Stained Shoes And

She Says: “YOU SOB, YOU Were PLAYING GOLF WERE’NT YOU!!!”

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the final match, the Newfie wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has, whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you’re finished!”

The Newfie nodded in acknowledgement. As the match started, the Newfie and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening.

All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Newfie and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Newfoundlander collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”

The wrestler answered, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”

“So,” the trainer exclaimed, “That’s what finished him off!”

“Not really. You’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.”

A blind man was describing his favorite sport… parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.

“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground,” he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.

He quickly answered “Oh….. the dog’s leash goes slack.”