Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football
team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach.

“Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack
into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

“Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?”

“Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a
shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred
yard dash.

“Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?”

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. “Well, sir,” he
said, “if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”

Tennessee recently passed a law making it legal to gather
and eat dead animals off the road. [Yummy.]

You can’t hunt game from a moving automobile. The only
notable exception to this law is whale hunting.

Any person crippling, killing or in any way destroying a
proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held
liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction.

The age of consent is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin.

More than 8 women may not live in the same house because
that would constitute a brothel.

Try this on the ol’ tongue:

If a bra is an upper topper titty flopper stopper,
and a jock strap is a lower decker pecker checker,
and a roll of toilet tissue is a super duper doody pooper scooper,

what do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?

A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.

A local community club was organizing a baseball team. They
could only muster eight players, and were hard put to find
a ninth. In desperation, they called on a new member, a very
reserved Englishman who had just moved into the neighborhood
from London, to join their team.

During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the
very first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.

The team members stood there, dumfounded. Unfortunately, so
did the Englishman. “Run!” his teammates cried. “For Pete’s
sake, run!”

The Brit turned and stared at them icily. “I jolly well shan’t
run,” he replied. “I’m perfectly willing to buy you chaps
another ball.”

So Norv Turner had put together the perfect Redskins
team for ‘96. The only thing he was missing was a good
quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even
the high schools, and he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback
that would ensure a SuperBowl win. Then one night, watching
CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background,
out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian
soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand
grenade straight into a 15th story window 200 yards
away–ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a
group of about10 soldiers a good 110 yards away ka-blooey!
A car passes going 90 miles an hour–bulls-eye! Right
into it. “I’ve got to get this guy,” Norv says to himself.
“He has the perfect arm!”

So he brings him to the states and teaches him the great
game of football and the Redskins go on to win the SuperBowl.
The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of SuperBowl
XXXI, and when Norv asks him what he wants, all the
young man wants to do is to call his mother. “Mom,”
the young man says into the receiver, “I just won the
SuperBowl.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says. “You
deserted us. You’re not my son.”

“I don’t think you understand, mother” the young man
pleads. “I just won the greatest sporting event in the
world. I’m in the middle of thousands of adoring fans.”

“No, let me tell you,” the mother implores. “At this
very moment, there are gun shots all around us. The
neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers
were beaten within an inch of their life last week,
and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight….”

The old lady pauses, in tears. “…I’ll never forgive
you for moving us to Washington.”