Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

When I arrived for my daughter’s parent-teacher conference,
the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she
started telling me that my little girl didn’t always pay attention
in class and was sometimes a little flighty. “For example,
she’ll do the wrong page in the workbook,” the teacher
explained, “and I’ve even found her sitting in the wrong desk.”

“I don’t understand that,” I replied defensively. “Where could
she have gotten that?”

The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still
doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable. Finally, after
a pause, she added, “By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our
appointment was for tomorrow.”

Tommy had reached school age. His Mother managed with a blast
of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She
bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends
he’d meet and so on. On the first day, he eagerly went off
and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.

Next morning when she woke him up, he asked “What for?”
She told him it was time to get ready for school.

“What, again?” he asked.

When I arrived for my daughter’s parent-teacher conference,
the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she
started telling me that my little girl didn’t always pay
attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty.
“For example, she’ll do the wrong page in the workbook,”
the teacher explained, “and I’ve even found her sitting in
the wrong desk.”

“I don’t understand that,” I replied defensively. “Where
could she have gotten that?”

The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was
still doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable.
Finally, after a pause, she added, “By the way, Mrs. Johnson,
our appointment was for tomorrow.”

It’s the first day of school in Houston and the teacher
thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their
name and what their fathers do for a living.

The first little girl says: “My name is Mary and my daddy
is a postman.”

The next little boy says: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”

Then one little boy says: “My name is Jimmy and my father is
a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men.”

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later
in the schoolyard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and
asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay
bar. He blushed and said, “I’m sorry but my dad is an auditor
for Arthur Andersen and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to produce over
100 percent.

How about achieving 103 percent? Here’s a little math that might prove
helpful in the future.

What makes life 100 percent?

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z can be represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = only 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = only 96%

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

However,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

And look how far ass kissing will take
you.
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

Therefore, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you
close; BUT attitude, bullshit and ass kissing will put you over the top.