Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

I have run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I
decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had
something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find
the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders
on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software,
install hardware part of the control panel… then I got out
all the manuals and went through them.

I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not
equipped with one so I decided to go to the computer store
and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and
scholarly, so I wore my math hat.

Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern
looking woman, I gave her the make and model of my computer
and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kind of
scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with
her…figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I
replied that I tried to be smart with everyone… she said,
rather rudely I thought, that she couldn’t help me and walked
away. Huh, must not have had any in stock.

In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and
model of my computer and asked it they had any sex drives
in stock… He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard
drive, I thought about it for a minute and told him Yeah,
maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed…
he started laughing at me said something about me trying to
kill him… You’re killing me! or something like that, and
walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to
keep in stock. I wasn’t trying to kill him…I wasn’t
even hurting him.

The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I’d just
fallen off the turnip truck… I assured him I’d never been
on a turnip truck, but I’d fallen off the manure wagon a few
times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. She’s
fallen off the wagon, that explains it and walked away
laughing.

The guy in the fourth store said something like boob under
his breath and walked away… wonder why he only noticed
one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores.
Maybe have to order from a catalog or get on the Internet
and search for one.

So that’s where I am now… If any of you have some computer
skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would
appreciate it. Then all I’d have to do is figure out what
to do with it.

There was this guy at the patent office counter and said,”
I want to patent this Peach.”

The clerk asked,”What’s so special about your peach?”

The guy said, taste it, so he did. He told the guy it taste
like a peach, so what? He then said, turn it around! The clerk
took a bite and said,”wow, this tastes like an apple! You have
your Patent!”

Then the next guy walks up and said,”I want to patent this cookie!”

The clerk said,”now what is so special about your cookie?”

In return the guy said, “It tastes like a woman’s snatch!”

The clerk said “I gotta try this” so he took a bite. He then
said,” Oh man, this tastes like shit!”

The man at the counter said, “Turn it around!”

The Queen is visiting one of Australia’s top hospitals and
during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male
patient was masturbating.

‘Oh my God,’ said the Queen. ‘That’s disgraceful. What is the
meaning of this?’

The doctor leading the tour explains,
‘I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very
serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen.
If he doesn’t do that five times a day they’ll explode and he
would die instantly.’

‘Oh I am so sorry’ said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was
giving a patient a blowjob.

‘Oh my God,’ said the Queen, ‘what’s happening there?’

The doctor replied, ‘Same problem, better health cover.’

Joseph was very depressed. He ran into his friend Jon. Jon
asked him what was wrong.

“I’m just depressed and can’t get over the fact that I have
three balls.”

“Three balls? You’re DEPRESSED? Son, we can make a fortune
with this!” Jon exclaimed.

“How do we do that?”

“We go from bar to bar, and bet everyone that between you
and the bartender you’ve got five balls. It can’t miss!”

Joseph brightens up and off they go.

They get to the first bar, make friends with some of the
strangers at the bar, then made the announcement, “I’ll bet
anyone that between the bartender and my friend Joseph,
they’ve got five balls.” Jon announced.

Almost everyone rushed up to place their bets.

Jon turned to the bartender and said, “You don’t mind if we
use you on this, do you?”

The bartender said, “Not at all. In fact, I’m very impressed.”

“Yeah?” Jon asked, “How come?”

“Well, I’ve never met a man with 4 balls before. I’ve only
got one.”

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing
for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him,
resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed
downwards through the clouds, “Look Michael, look what I’ve
made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m
going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place
of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, “For
example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity
and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over
here I’ve placed a region of stifling hot temperature, and
up there a region of fierce cold. Over yonder is an area of
arid desert, while over there is a lush and humid rain forest.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a
mountainous region and asked, “What’s that one?”

“That is Colorado, the most glorious place on Earth. There
are beautiful mountains, canyons, passes, lakes, rivers,
streams and an exquisite grassland. The people from Colorado
are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they’re
going to be found traveling the world. They’ll be extremely
sociable, hardworking and high-achieving, and they will be
known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.
They will be admired by all who come across them.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
“What about balance, God?…You said there will be BALANCE!”

God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the loudmouth,
whiny-assed, arrogant piss-ants I’m putting in California.”