Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police
helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and
began to issue a traffic ticket. “How did you know I
was speeding?” the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.
“You mean,” asked the motorist, “that even He is
against me?”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
1. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t
plugged in.
2. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
3. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me.
Good job!
4. Are You Andy or Barney?
5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a
police officer.
6. You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
7. I pay your salary!
8. Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me
a warning, too!
9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no
other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are.
11. When the Officer says “Gee Son….Your eyes look red, have
you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with, “Gee
Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”
Click here to send a Laugh
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
10. Your so-called “speed limits” mean nothing to me flatfoot.
I live my life one quarter-mile at a time.
9. You again? I thought I lost you at that last red light.
8. Aren’t you going to strip search me, big boy?
7. I am not the droid you’re looking for. You don’t need to see
my papers.
6. Darn! My radar detector must be broken again.
5. You better hurry up with that ticket. Dunkin’ Donuts closes in
15 minutes.
4. You’re not going to search my trunk are you?
3. How about you watch my friend Ben Franklin while I get my
registration?
2. Sorry I was speeding officer, but your daughter said she had
to be home by eleven.
1. Hey Barney! How are things in Mayberry?
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A woman Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says,
” I clocked you at 80 mph. sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer, I
had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating.”
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, ” Now don’t be
silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his
wife and growls, “Can’t you keep your mouth shut for once?”
The wife smiles demurely and says, ” You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, Dammit woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut.”
The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing
your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.” The driver says,
“Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you
pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
The wife says,” Now dear you know very well that you didn’t have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU SHUT TO HELL UP??”
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband
always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he’s been drinking.”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A father in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, makes
a turn at a red light where it isn’t allowed. “Uh-oh, I just
made an illegal turn!” the man said.
“That’s OK Dad,” the son says, “The police car right behind us
did the same thing.”