Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

I once had a life, now I have a computer and a modem…

He said — I don’t know why you wear a bra;
you’ve got nothing to put in it.

She said — You wear briefs, don’t you?

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She said — What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

He said — It’s not my fault — I ran out of money.

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He said — Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted
to make love to you in the worst way.

She said — Well, you succeeded.

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He said — ‘Two inches more, and I would be king’

She said — ‘Two inches less, and you’d be queen’

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He said — What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you?

She said — Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

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He said — Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.

She said — Okay, but if you get home before I do,
leave the hallway light on.

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He said — Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said — I would, but you’re never there.

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He said — “Shall we try a different position tonight?”

She said — “That’s a good idea — you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart

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19. Al Gore: The Wild Years
18. Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean
17. America’s Most Popular Lawyers
16. Career Opportunities for History Majors
15. Detroit - A Travel Guide
14. Different Ways to Spell “Bob”
13. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches
12. Easy UNIX
11. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
10. Everything Men Know About Women
9. Everything Women Know About Men
8. French Hospitality
7. George Foreman’s Big Book of Baby Names
6. How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
5. Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette and Fine Dining
4. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
3. Staple Your Way to Success
2. The Amish Phone Book

And the number one World’s Shortest Book:
1. The Engineer’s Guide to Fashion

Honorary mentions: * Good American beers: An overview

* The Ultimate List of Good English Lovers

* The German book of humor

* Popular AOL- users on the net

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m just driving this way to piss you off.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Keep honking, I’m reloading.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public

schools.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … not screaming

and yelling like the passengers in his car.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

10. Their clothes are always black

9. The $50,000 phone bills

8. They spend 3 weeks in Florida and still look white

7. Your home entertainment center disappears, two days
later they are wearing it.

6. TV reception gets poor when they walk by

5. They spend more time reading newsgroups than you do

4. Whenever you talk to them the laser on the side of
their head blings you

3. An electronics store chain used them as a mascot

2. They assimilate all your food

1. Everything is irrelavant