Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

“How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers.

“It’s hereditary, sir,” the older one replied.

“I see,” said the doctor, writing in his file. “Your father’s
the reason for your elongated penises?”

“No sir, our mother.”

“Your mother? You idiot, women don’t have penises!”

“I know, sir,” replied the recruit, “but she only had one arm,
and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to
manage as best she could.”

Two Yankees are driving through Georgia, when they get pulled
over by a State Trooper. The Trooper walks up, taps on the
window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window
and WHACK! … The trooper smacked him right on top of the
head with the stick. The driver finally comes to and asks,
” What the hell was that for!?”

The Trooper says, “You’re in Georgia,son. When we pull you
over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car.”

Not wanting to make his situation with the law any worse, the
driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.”

The Trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He
gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger
side and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls his window down, and WHACK! The trooper smacks
him with the nightstick also.

After he recovers, the somewhat dazed passenger asks, “Holy smokes,
Man!!…What did you do that for?”

The cop answers, “Just making your wishes come true.”

Still incredulous, the passenger follows up with, ……. “Huh?”

The Trooper says, “I know how you Yankees are! Two miles down
the road you’re gonna say, ‘I wish that redneck bastard would
have tried that shit with me!’”

Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent
Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
=> $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
=> squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
=> $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
=> $1 = 10 cent

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind.

The ensign’s efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was a buzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.

He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, “My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules. Make sure the Captain is aboard before getting under way!”

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?”

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “General Wheeler.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.”

The general said, “Drive on!”

The sentry said, “Hold it! You really can’t come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker.”

The general repeated, “I’m telling you, son, drive on!”

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, “General, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?”