Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn’t believe in retaliation:

1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.

2. When he says “No,” ask, “Why not?”

3. Wait until he says something to the effect of “Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence.”

4. When he’s in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.

5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.

6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.

7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.

8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.

Twas the night before Payback…

‘Twas the night before Payback and all through the land,
The Taliban are running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama’s been praying, he’s down on his knees,
He’s hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.

He thought if he killed us that we’d fall and shatter,
But all that he’s done is just make us madder.
We haven’t yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we’ll kick your ass, with one heavy boot.

And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You’ll soon get the answer if you live to hear.

And we ain’t forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain’t forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They’ll go down in history as the place where you died.

Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, to his final breath.
So come out and prove it, that you are a man,
Cause our boys are coming and they have a plan.

They are our Fathers and they are our Sons,
And they sure do carry some mighty big Guns.
They would have stayed home, with Children and Wives,
Till you bastards came here and took all these Lives.

Osama I wrote this especially for you,
For air mail delivery by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming, attached to a missile.

I won’t be sorry to see your cowardly ass go,
It’s Red, White, and Blue that’s running this show!

1.) Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that
you don’t have a phone.
hello
2.) Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, “I have your life in my
hands, bow down to me!”. Then point at each one and declare them good or bad
plants,while watering the bad ones.

3.)Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house. (ie: chairs, books,
lamps, etc.)

4.) Ask them if you can put your trash in their cans, if they ask why say, “Mine are full of
bodies”, then stutter and say, “I uh mean other garbage.” walk away laughing
hysterically.

5.)Patrol the perimeter of your yard while carrying a broom. If they come close state that
their is a 3 foot neutral area between the two yards.

6.) At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, “looks like they’re on
the move again.”

7.) When they’re watching TV, pull a lawn chair behind their window. Sit down with popcorn
and a dink and ask them if they could open a window so you can hear too.

8.)Build snowmen with name tags of your neighbours. Each day hack off a different part of
their body.

9.) Use your TV remote to change the channels on their TV from outside. If asked why,
say you protest such programs. (The more educational the program the better.)

10.) Dig shallow graves at night filling your yard with brown grave patches. Make
markers out of household applainces.

The reuse of some object-oriented code has caused tactical
headaches for Australia’s armed forces. As virtual reality
simulators assume larger roles in helicopter combat training,
programmers have gone to great lengths to increase the realism
of their scenarios, including detailed landscapes and, in the
case of the Northern Territory’s Operation Phoenix, herds of
kangaroos (since disturbed animals might well give away a
helicopter’s position).

The head of the Defense Science & Technology Organization’s
Land Operations/Simulation division reportedly instructed
developers to model the local marsupials’ movements and reactions
to helicopters.

Being efficient programmers, they just re-appropriated some
code originally used to model infantry detachment reactions
under the same stimuli, changed the mapped icon from a soldier
to a kangaroo, and increased the figures’ speed of movement.

Eager to demonstrate their flying skills for some visiting
American pilots, the hotshot Aussies “buzzed” the virtual
kangaroos in low flight during a simulation. The kangaroos
scattered, as predicted, and the visiting Americans nodded
appreciatively… then did a double-take as the kangaroos
reappeared from behind a hill and launched a barrage of Stinger
missiles at the hapless helicopter. (Apparently the programmers
had forgotten to remove that part of the infantry coding.)

The lesson? Objects are defined with certain attributes, and
any new object defined in terms of an old one inherits all the
attributes. The embarrassed programmers had learned to be careful
when reusing object-oriented code, and the Yanks left with a
newfound respect for Australian wildlife.

Simulator supervisors report that pilots from that point onward
have strictly avoided kangaroos, just as they were meant to.

From June 15, 1999 Defense Science and Technology Organization
Lecture Series, Melbourne, Australia, and staff reports

The instructor in a basic-training course asked a sleepy private,
“If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure crawling toward
camp, what procedure would you follow?”

“Well, sir,” the private answered, “I’d help the officer to his
quarters.”