Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

Fred and Nora had both been in the same nursing home
for years. Fred had been chasing Nora’s skirt for as
long as she had been there, but Nora wouldn’t give him
the time of day.

On Fred’s 90th birthday, he approached Nora. “Nora,
wont you PLEASE give me a little for my birthday? I
am not going to live much longer.”

She replied, “Okay, Fred. You have been after me for
years, just meet me in my room at 10pm.”

Fred shaved, and got ready for his big night.

At precisely 10, Nora heard a knock on her door. She
let him in, and to his surprise, she was already stark
naked. Nora carefully placed a bottle of nitroglycerine
tablets on the night stand, and then lay down.

Motioning him to follow her into bed, she stated ,”Fred,
it is only fair I warn you that we may have to stop
in the middle of this, because I have acute angina.”
To which Fred replied, “Good thing, because you sure
have ugly tits!!”

Marsha completed four weeks of dental restoration with
Dr. Morris Cohen the dentist.

She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in
love with her dentist …and she was going to propose to him.

Her friend said, ” Marsha you’re 34 years old, you’re
beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you. Why
this dentist?”

“Because he is the First man that ever said to me….
SPIT, don’t SWALLOW.”

A man approached his family physician and said,

“Doc, I’m afraid you’ll have to remove my wife’s tonsils one
of these days.”

The doctor pulled out the family’s medical file and exclaimed,

“Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman
having two sets of tonsils?”

“No,” the husband retorted, “but you’ve heard of a man having
two wives, haven’t you?”

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line
of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in
today’s society.

DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on
car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for
directions when they got lost compared to a control group where
only 0.2 percent asked for directions.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more
likely to actually finish a household repair project before
starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming
urge to perform more child-care tasks, especially cleaning up
spills and little accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing
new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge
to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this
drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be
continued for a period longer than your favorite store’s return
limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men
want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other
family members.

CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically
fastidious about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste
caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in
the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs
of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects
into special prosecutors.

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when they
are asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular,
Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” Bob asked, “how you
detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely
normal?”

“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question
which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates,
that puts you on the track.”

“What sort of question?”

“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around
the world and died during one of them. Which one?’

Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh,
“You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must
confess I don’t know much about history.”