Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

A new two year degree is being offered at the Women’s University,
now that it has gone Co-Ed that many of you men should be
interested in: “Becoming a Husband”

That’s right! In just six trimesters, you too can be a great husband
as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to
look over the program outline.
I just know you will want to sign up for this program,
Dean Margaret A. Dolittle

FIRST YEAR

Fall Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 Women Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook I
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What’s Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You’re Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR

Fall Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don’t Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important I

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fanning the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mother-in-laws
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C Is it Cheaper to Keep Her

Also recomended for the women, for an MA (Mz Arts) is a similar
program outline. A new two year degree is being offered at the
University that many of you should be interested in: “Becoming a Wife”

That’s right! In just six trimesters, you too can become a great wife
as well as earn an MA degree (Miz Arts). Please take a moment to look
over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR

Fall Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity within.
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 Women you Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas,
Diamonds are better

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to him Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook I
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What’s His is yours

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a spoiled bratt Butt face When You’re
Wrong, when it’s so easy to blame him
MEN 121 Understanding Your own Incompetence, and blaming him.
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex, use it to your advantage
MEN 123 Reasons to Give gifts
ECON 001B What Was Yours is still yours

SECOND YEAR

Fall Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It, stick with the headache story
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, don’t Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake before, during, and after Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat up, or not
Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency envy
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don’t Look Like Demi Moore
MEN 230A His Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important I

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fanning the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real women Ask for Directions, don’t show off by knowing
everything.
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of him Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B His Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu, and what cooking and tofu are.
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils, silverware vrs plastic
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly, again don’t showoff in front
of your husband.
MEN 231 Mother-in-laws, let him know that your own Mother is not the
only mother on earth, whether you mean it or not.
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening, nod once in a while, and say “Yes Dear”
MEN 233 Learn to Just Say “Yes, Dear” and situations where it may
be required
ECON 001C Better to Keep Him, once trained.

Dean Margaret A. Dolittle

Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers, and unsuspecting pub
regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from
any woman. A new date rape drug on the market, called “beer,” is
used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally
found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere. “Beer”
is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade
their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a
woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of “beer”
and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are
rendered helpless against this approach. After several “beers” men
will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific
looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After
drinking “beer,” men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly
what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate
men are swindled out of their life’s savings in a familiar scam known
as “a relationship.” Apparently men are much more susceptible to this
scam after “beer” is administered and sex is offered by the predatory
female. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However,
if you fall victim to this insidious “beer” and the predatory women
administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every
town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in
an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up “Golf Courses” in the
yellow pages.

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think
we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
don’t think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some
money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and
NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE !!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest
in us when we take the initiative.

NOW ….WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark
until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

>>
>>1. The nice men are ugly.
>>2. The handsome men are not nice.
>>3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
>>4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
>>5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no
>>money.
>>6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money
>>think we are only after their money.
>>7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
>>8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
>>don’t think we are beautiful enough.
>>9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
>>somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
>>10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some
>>money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE >>FIRST
MOVE!!!!
>>11. The men who never make the first move automatically lose
>>interest in us when we take the initiative.
>>
>>NOW….WHO IN THE HECK UNDERSTANDS MEN?
>>
>>Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s
>>a woman’s job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they
>>mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.
>>
>>SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK
>>CAN
>>HANDLE IT!

41 Rules Men Wish Women Knew

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
3 . Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
18. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.