Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

Q: How many talk show hosts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to screw in the new bulb, one to ask the old one how it feels to be replaced, and one to take questions from the audience.

Q: How many gun control advocates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Let the police do it - private citizens can’t be trusted with light bulbs !

Q: How many gun control advocates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don’t do that; they pass laws against burned-out bulbs, and then they wonder why it’s still so dark. Meanwhile, a lot of people get hurt because they can’t see.

Q: How many NRA members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three–One to give up the old bulb when they pry it from his cold dead fingers, one to screw it in and pose for an “I’m the NRA” ad while doing so, and one to complain about the waiting period.

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Soviet emigres are used to sitting in the dark.

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, and a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to force the bulb in with a hammer, one to steal more bulbs, one to ask NYANA for a bigger hammer.

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to screw in the bulb and the other nine for crowd control.

Q: How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one to do it and the other forty-nine to proclaim it’s the greatest event in the history of creation, a truly world-class bulb screwing.

Q: How many Serbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two–one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.

Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and one to cross the road.

Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, and she’ll screw it in as soon as she decides it isn’t going to hatch.

Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They’re all far too busy crossing the road.

Q: How many kindergarden kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, two, three… Mummy! can I use my toes?

Q: How many undertakers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just paint them black and go on using them.

Q: How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why does it *have* to be changed?

Q: How many New Historicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None-historical forces will do it. The bulb-screwer is a relatively modern invention.

Q: How many folklorists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to change it and nine to document it.

Q: How many deconstructionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn’t matter. Even if the bulb is screwed in, it will always be flickering, however faintly, so it really hasn’t worked. It is incapable of delivering uninterrupted light.

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn’t translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None, they get an American to do it since they are so dammed proud they know how to do it.

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to spray green paint onto the bulb so noone bashes it with a big stick, one to change it, one to suggest they all roll a log down a hill to celebrate, and one to invite all the others round to his log cabin so they can all watch his moose moult.

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to screw in the bulb and the other four to call out “Get Back!, Get Back!”.

Q: How many Lacanians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three-one to do it, one to desire it, and the ignorant Other.

Note: Jacques Lacan (1901-82) was a prominent French psychoanalyst and theorist who is very influential with literary critics at the moment. This relates to his theories.)

Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends whether the switch is on or off.

Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If the switch is off, one. If the switch is on, any number, until one of them figures out to turn it off.

Q: How many deaf blind people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on whether or not you can get them to notice the darkness…

Q: How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don’t know, but I can look it up for you.

Q: How many cataloguers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but the Library of Congress has to do it first.

Q: How many NBC news producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of the report despite the manipulation.

Q: How many Supreme Court Justices does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine-three to form a plurality, two to concur in part, two to dissent one to concur in part and dissent in part with the plurality opinion, and the last to concur with the dissenters in part.

Q: How many AnTir-folk does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but the new bulb had better be a halogen fog lamp!

Q: How many Atlantians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That depends, which household does it belong to?

Q: How many Dune Coons does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Three - one to hold the bulb and two to turn the stool, but they need a foreign adviser to tell them it was burned out.

Note: I presume a “Dune Coon” means a 3rd world peasant.)

Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

Note: “Supply-siders” were the force behind Reagan’s early reforms, and their economic theories were just like those of Thatcher (only the Thatcherites were more extreme). They believed that if they shifted the focus of government economic policy to stimulating supply rather than demand, the business cycle would be stopped at an agreeable point and inflation would be permanently whipped. Obviously, it didn’t quite work out that way.)

Q: How many Ann Arborites does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just start a “Coping With Darkness” support group.

Note: Ann Arbor is a where, not a who. It’s the home of the University of Michigan, which has a fairly liberal reputation.)