Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
A man went to his lawyer and stated, “I would
like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how
to go about it.”
The lawyer said, “No problem, leave it all to me.”
The man looked somewhat upset as he said,
“Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest
slice, but I’d like to leave a little to my children, too!”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps: They had pictures
of lawyers on them… and people couldn’t figure out which side to
spit on.
How IS an apple and a lawyer alike? They both look good hanging from a
tree.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It’s called, Sosumi.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies
on the other.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save
one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?
What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.
What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey
has the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
Two lawyers had been marooned on a desert island for
almost a year after their ship had sunk during a terrible
storm. One day while walking along the beach, the two
lawyers find a beautiful unconscious woman washed up
on the shore. The first lawyer asks the second lawyer,
“Think we should fuck her?”, and the second lawyer replies,
“Outta what?”.
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A lawyer’s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a
butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the
lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals
a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand
payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer
answers, “Absolutely.”
“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a
roast from me today.”
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for
$8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer:
$100 due for a consultation.
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer.
“I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said.
“I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love
you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months
of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require
in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls,
and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity.”
The lawyer thought for a moment. “So, what’s the catch?” he asked.