Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

Your dad is some sort of engineer or doctor.

Your parents say, “Don’t forget your heritage.”

You know what’s going to happen in every Hindi movie before it
happens

You’re father and grandfathers have hair on their ears

An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: “Is that your mother?
Well then, is it your sister?”

Your relatives’ houses smell like incense, mothballs or both

Your parents say, “Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!”

You either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really want
to stay away from it

“You want a stereo! When I was your age, I didn’t even have shoes!”

Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones
with the blue and pink stripes at the top.

Your family owns a tennis racquet.

You buy corn oil by the gallon.

Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.

You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it’s normal.

Everyone in your family has pet names, which sound nowhere close to
their real names.

You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the Airport.

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.

When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you
discover you’re talking to a distant cousin.

Your parents don’t realize phone connections to foreign countries
have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top
of their lungs when making long distance calls.

There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.

You have a ‘Singer Brother’ sewing machine at home.

Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad’s) sister
and doesn’t talk to her for ten years.

You hide everything from your parents.

Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

Everyone is a family friend.

You know no one who has studied music.

You went to a university as far away from home as possible.

You still came back home to live with your parents after you had
finished.

Your best friend got married at the age of 16.

You like the meat well done.

You eat onions with everything.

You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.

You say you hate Indian films but secretly watch them with your
parents.

You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.

You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people
you’re with but the waiters don’t understand you.

You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex,
especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.

You always say “open the light” instead of “turn the light on”.

You secure your baggage with a rope.

You’re walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and
you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick
you up.

You go back to your parents’ country and people treat you like a
member of…the royal family.

You’re parents would freak out if your sister wore a crop top baring
her midriff…but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable

Your parents call all your friends “Beta” whether they are Indian or
not

Your parent are panicking if you aren’t married when you turn 25

Either you really like Indians of the opposite sex or you can’t
stand them

Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds

A horoscope must decide your wedding date

Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day

You are sick and tired of answering questions about “the dot”

Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried

You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried

You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don’t know, but
who insist they’re related to you, even though they bear NO
resemblance to…anyone YOU know.

Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try
and demonstrate how well it works whenever they’re not fighting.

You notice that whenever you go to another Indian’s house, your
parents always talk about work and business.

The second you pull out of someone’s driveway, your parents start
talking…about them.

Every few months your parents say when they’re moving back to India

No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over
for a visit.

You’re proud to be Indian - and you pass these jokes on to all your
Indian friends!

little kid asks his mommy:
mommy is god white or black?
mom: both sweetie
kid: mommy is god a man or a women?
mom: both hunny
kid: mommy is god gay or straight?
mom: both darling
mommy is god michal jackson?

got a new car radio the other day, its terrific!
You say “Rock” it plays rock and roll, you say “Rap” it plays rap, you say “love” it plays love songs.
The other day while i was driving, a few kids jumped into the road, i said “fucking kids” and the radio played micheal jasckson

One day a big Indian Chief goes to his local pharmacy. He
goes up to the clerk and says, “Last night me fuck squaw,
left nut go ‘oomph’, right nut go ‘oomph’, dick go ‘oomph’,
condom go BOOM!”

Now the clerk was quite impressed by this sexual feat so he
grabbed some Trojans for professionals and tells the Chief
to come back and tell him how they work for him.

The next day, the big Chief comes back to the pharmacy, goes
right up to the clerk and gruffly says, “Last night me fuck
squaw, left nut go ‘oomph’, right nut go ‘oomph’, dick go
‘oomph’, condom go BOOM!”

The clerk thinks to himself, “Damn, this guy must have some
kind of super ejaculation going on.” So he goes into the back
of the store and gets a prototype condom for the Chief. The
description on the box reads, “This is a joint effort between
Goodyear and Michelin. This condom is steel belted and should
only be used in extreme circumstances.”

The clerk hands the condom to the Chief and tells him about the
special condoms, and to report back to him on how well they work
for him.

The next day, the Chief comes back on crutches with a shotgun
under his arm. He storms up to the clerk. The clerk is thinking,
“Oh Shit! The condom must not have worked and he’s really pissed.”

The Chief looks at the clerk and yells, “Last night me fuck
squaw!! Left nut go ‘oomph’, right nut go ‘oomph’, dick go
‘oomph, condom go ‘oomph, left nut go ‘BOOM’!”

When white man came to America, Indians were running it.

There were:
- No Taxes
- No Debt
- Plenty buffalo
- Plenty beaver
- Medicine man free
- Women did all the work
- Men hunted and fished all the time

The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on
that system!