Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had
a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might
have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the
medical expertise of a sex therapist.

Her doctor recommended that she go and see Dr Chang, the
well-known sex therapist. So she went to see him and upon
entering the examination room, Dr Chang said,
‘OK, take off all you crose.’

So she did.

Dr Chang then said,
‘Ok now, crawl reery fass to the other side of the room.’

So she did.

Dr Chang then said,
‘OK’ now crawl reery fass to me,’

So she did.

Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said,
‘Your problem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I
ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates.’

Confused the woman asked,
‘What is Ed Zachary Disease?’

Dr Chang replied,
‘It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your arse’

‘Passionate kiss, like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.’

‘Virginity like bubble. One prick and all gone.’

‘Man who run in front of car get tired.’

‘Man who run behind car get exhausted.’

‘Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.’

‘Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.’

‘Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.’

‘Man who scratches arse must not bite fingernails.’

‘Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money.’

‘Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk.’

‘Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.’

‘War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.’

‘Man who sleep in cathouse by day sleep in doghouse by night.’

‘Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.’

‘It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.’

‘Man who drive like hell bound to get there.’

‘Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.’

‘Man who lives in glasshouse should change in basement.’

‘He who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.’

‘Man who farts in church sits in own pew.’

‘Man with one chopstick go hungry.’

‘Woman who fly airplane upside down have harry crack up.’

What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common?

They both cost about $100.

They both last about 30 seconds.

And in both cases, if the rubber breaks, you’re a dead man.

A bloke goes into a pub.
The barmaid asks what he wants.

‘I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat
off,’ he replies.

‘You dirty bastard!’ shouts the barmaid, ‘Get out before I get
my husband.’

The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again.

The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he
wants again.

‘I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese
between your arse cheeks and lick it off,’ he replies.

‘What???’ screams the barmaid, ‘That’s it! You’re barred, you
dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, get out now.’

Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever
do it again.

‘Right. I’ll give you one last chance,’ says the barmaid. ‘Now,
what do you want?’

‘I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness
and drink it all out of you.’

The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who
is sitting down watching the telly.

‘What’s up, love?’ says the husband.

‘There’s this disgusting bloke downstairs. When I asked him what
he wanted, he said that he wanted to put his head between my tits
and lick the sweat off,’ she says in a flood of tears.

‘What? He’s a dead man,’ shouts the husband getting out of his chair.

‘Then he said he wanted to pull down my knickers, spread cottage
cheese between my arse cheeks and lick it off,’ screams the wife.

‘Right, he’s going to need a body bag, the bastard,’ shouts the
husband rolling up his sleeves and picking up a baseball bat.

‘Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy
with Guinness and drink it out of me,’ she concludes.

When he hears this, the husband puts the baseball bat down and
sits back down in his chair.

‘Aren’t you going to do something?’ shouts the wife in hysterics.

‘Listen love, I’m not messing with someone who can drink 14 pints
of Guinness…’

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine
why the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of
the study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis
is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more
pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct
their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that
the results of the US study were incorrect. After three years
of research and costs in excess of $250,000, they concluded
that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to
provide the women with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German study were released, Australia
decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn’t trust
the US or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of
intensive research at a cost of around $75, the Aussie study
reached a conclusion.

They came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on
a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand
from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.