Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

Movie nudity is virtually always female.

You know stuff about tanks.

Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.

You can open all your own jars.

When clicking through TV channels, you don’t have to stall
on every shot of someone crying.

Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.

Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

You can kill your own food.

The garage is all yours.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

The National College Cheerleading Championship.

If you’re 34 and single, nobody notices.

You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.

You can be President.

Flowers fix everything.

You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.

You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

The world is your urinal.

You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover
is about to leave you.

You get to jump up and slap stuff.

One mood, all the time.

You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to
look like him.

Same work… more pay.

You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
adjustment.

With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth’s
population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

You don’t cry off others’ desserts.

If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.

The remote is yours and yours alone.

People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.

You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

Bachelor parties beat the shit over bridal showers.

You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you
might become lifelong buddies.

There is always a game on somewhere.

You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not
in the mood.

You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny.

If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a
hammer and throw it across the room.

Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: ‘So… notice
anything different?’

Baywatch.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

All your orgasms are real.

Jane was a first time contestant on a $65,000 quiz show. Lady
Luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had gained a substantial
lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but,
unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could
ask her the big question.

Jane agreed to return the following day. She was nervous as her
husband drove them home.

‘I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers
were. You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will
probably look like garbage tomorrow.’

‘Relax honey,’ her husband, Roger, reassured her. ‘It will all
be OK.’

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys
and started heading out the door.

‘Where are you going?’ Jane asked.

‘I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.’

After an agonizing three hour absence, Roger returned, sporting
a very wide and wicked grin.

‘Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer.’

‘What is it?’ she cried excitedly.

‘OK, the question is, “What are the three main parts of the
male anatomy?”

And the answer is, “The head, the heart and the penis.”‘

The couple went to sleep with Jane now feeling at ease,
plummeting into a deep slumber. At 3.30 am, however, Jane was
shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.

‘The head, the heart, the penis,’ Jane replied groggily before
returning to sleep.

Roger asked her again in the morning as Jane was brushing her
teeth. Once again she replied correctly.

So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show.
Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel
butterflies.

The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the
audience of the previous day’s events, faced Jane and asked the
big question.

‘Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy?
You have ten seconds.’

‘Hmmm, uhm, the head? She said nervously.

‘Very good. Six seconds.’

‘Eh, uh, the heart?

‘Very good. Four seconds.’

‘I, uhh, ooooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last
night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning… ‘

‘That’s close enough,’ said the game show host, ‘Congratulations!’

Mr. Reiss got himself a new secretary. Maggie was young, sweet
and polite.

One day while taking dictation, Maggie noticed his fly was open
and, on leaving the room, she said “Oh, Mr Reiss, did you know
that your barracks door is open?”

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to
look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have
some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in, he asked “By
the way, Miss Bolt, when you saw my barracks door open this
morning, did you see a soldier standing at attention?” She was
quite witty.

“Why, no, Mr. Reiss” she replied. “All I saw was a disabled
veteran sitting on two old duffel bags.”

A proper English gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed
to spend the night with her for $500. So they did.

Before he left, he told the girl that he didn’t have any
cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write
a check and mail it to her, calling the payment `Rent for
Apartment’.

On the way to the office he regretted what he had done,
realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.
So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed
the following note:

Dear Madam, Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for
rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed
upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the
impression that:
1. It bad never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat; and
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it bad been previously
occupied, that there wasn’t any heat and that it was entirely
too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the
check for $250 with the following letter.

Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect
a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As
for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn
it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular
size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it,
please do not blame the landlady.

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had
a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might
have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the
medical expertise of a sex therapist.

Her doctor recommended that she go and see Dr Chang, the
well-known sex therapist. So she went to see him and upon
entering the examination room, Dr Chang said,
‘OK, take off all you crose.’

So she did.

Dr Chang then said,
‘Ok now, crawl reery fass to the other side of the room.’

So she did.

Dr Chang then said,
‘OK’ now crawl reery fass to me,’

So she did.

Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said,
‘Your problem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I
ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates.’

Confused the woman asked,
‘What is Ed Zachary Disease?’

Dr Chang replied,
‘It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your arse’