Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
Ron and his new friend Arty were having a drink together, and
were talking about their respective married lives.
I had sex with my wife before we were married,” said Don, “did you?”
“Gee, I don’t know,” answered Arty. “What was your wifes maiden name?”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed surrounded
by all her family when she suddenly realized she had forgotten to
get any shoes.
Panic! Then her sister remembered she had a pair of white shoes
from her wedding, so she lent them to Sophie for the day.
Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the
festivities were over, Sophie’s feet were agony.
When she and Edward withdrew to their room, the only thing she
could think of was getting her shoes off.
The rest of the family crowded round the door to the bedroom and
they heard roughly what they expected: grunts, straining noises
and the occasional muffled scream.
Eventually they heard Edward say, ‘God, that was tight.’
‘There,’ whispered the Queen ‘I told you she was a virgin.’
Then, to their surprise they heard Edward say, ‘Right. Now for
the other one.’
This was followed by more grunting and straining and at last
Edward said,
‘My God, that was even tighter’
‘That’s my boy,’ said the Duke. ‘Once a sailor, always a sailor.’
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A married couple were on holiday in Pakistan.
They were touring around the marketplace in Karachi looking at
the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say,
‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.’
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them,
‘I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in.
Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.’
Well, the wife was interested in buying the sandals after what
the man claimed, but her husband felt he didn’t need them, being
the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, ‘How could sandals make you into a
sex freak?’
The Pakistani said, ‘just try them on, sahib.’
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally
conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his
feet, he got this wild look in his eyes - something his wife
hadn’t seen in many years - raw sexual power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani, bent
him violently over a table yanked down his pants and ripped
down his own trousers, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani’s
thighs.
The Pakistani began screaming, ‘You have dem on de wrong feet!’
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed.
‘If I do 250 kph, will you take off your clothes?’ he smirked.
‘Yes,’ said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 250,
she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some
gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the
steering wheel.
‘Go and get help!’ he cried.
‘But I can’t! I’m naked and my clothes are gone!’
‘Take my shoe’ he said ‘and cover yourself.’
Holding the shoe over her privates, the girl ran down the road
and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her
legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor,
‘Please help me! My boyfriend’s stuck!’
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, ‘There’s nothing I
can do. He’s in too far.’
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
There’s this couple who are financially strapped. They’ve
been trying to figure out a way to come up with the money
so that they don’t lose their home. The wife didn’t have
any ideas as to what to do. But the husband says, “Hey, we
could sell you.” He said, “I really hate to do this to you,
but we really have no other alternative.” She agrees to his
idea.
They go downtown, and he tells her to stand there on the
corner and wait. He will watch from across the street to
make sure everything is okay. A few minutes after she was
standing there a car pulls up and he asks, “How much?” She
says, “Can you wait a minute? I’ll be right back.”
So she runs across the street, and says to her husband, “He
wants to know how much, what should I tell him?” The husband
says, “Tell him a hundred bucks.” So she runs back across the
street, and tells him, “One hundred bucks.” The man says,
“One hundred dollars? That’s too much. I don’t have a hundred
bucks. How much for a blow job?” She says, “Can you wait a
minute? I’ll be right back.”
So she runs across the street again, and says to her husband,
“He says a hundred bucks is too much and wants to know how
much for a blow job. What should I tell him?” The husband says,
“Tell him thirty dollars.”
So she runs back across the street and says to the guy,
“Thirty dollars for a blow job.” He says, “Great! I have
thirty dollars.” So she gets into the car and he undoes his
zipper and exposes himself to her revealing a 12″ penis.
She looks and says, “Can you please just wait one more minute?
I’ll be right back.” She gets out of the car and runs across
the street and says to her husband, “Can we loan this guy $70?”