Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

2. Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m
gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
are going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They’re both dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
didn’t he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?

13 Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

14. Stop singing and read on……….

15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets
mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head
out the window?

17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?

“How was your game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.

“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so
bad I couldn’t see where the ball went,” he answered.

“But you’re 75 years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “Why don’t
you take my brother Scott along?”

“But he’s 85 and doesn’t play golf anymore,” protested Jack.

“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you,”
Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and
the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.

“Do you see it?” asked Jack.

“Yup,” Scott answered.

“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

“I forgot.”

There’s a fellow who is an avid golfer. Actually he’s a golf
fanatic. Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He
gets up very early and golfs all day long.

Well, this one Saturday morning, he gets up early, dresses
quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet, and goes out to his
car to drive to the course. It is raining a torrential downpour.
There is snow mixed with the rain and the wind is blowing 50 mph.

He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather
channel. From there he finds that it’s supposed to be bad weather
all day long. So he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly
undresses and slips back into bed where he cuddles up to his
wife’s back, and whispers, “The weather out there is terrible.”

She replies, “I know. And can you believe my stupid husband
is actually out there golfing?”

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at
7:00 a.m. Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out
of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome.
A woman standing near the tee said, “Hey, I like to golf. May I
join the group?” They were hesitant, but said she could come once
to try it,and they would see what they thought. They all agreed and
she said, “Good,I’ll be there at 6:30 or 6:45.”

She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record
with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the
clubhouse congratulated her. Mean while, she was fun and pleasant
the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week
and she said,”Sure, I’ll be here at 6:30 or 6:45.”

Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she
played left handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous
week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join
the group for keeps.

They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her,
“How do you decide if you’re > going to golf right-handed or
left-handed?”

She said, “That’s easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull
the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude. If his ‘you know
what’ is pointing to the right,I golf right-handed; if it’s pointed
to the left, I golf left-handed.”

One ofthe guys asked, “What if it’s pointed straight up?”

She said, “Then I’ll be here at 6:45.”

The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when
she collapsed from a heart attack.

“Please dear, I need help.” she said.

The husband ran off saying “I’ll go get some help.”

A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began
to line up his shot on the green.

His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, “I may
be dying and you’re putting?”

“Don’t worry, dear. I found a doctor on the second hole. He said
he will come and help you.”

“The second hole??? When in the world is he coming???”

“I told you not to worry,” he said, practice stroking his
putt….”Everyone’s already agreed to let him play through.”