Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

It was early morning on the ship, and Chief Schostek was calling
out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:

“Ames” “Here!” “Jenson” “Here!” “Jones” “Here!” “Magersky”
“Here!” “Se eback”

No answer.

“Seeback!”

No answer was heard again.

“SEEBACK!!!” The crew remained totally silent.

At that point, someone whispered into the chiefs’s ear. He looked
again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the
list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.

“I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way
they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries
for $20.”
“Have you seen the new cars coming out next
year? It won’t be long before $5000 will only buy a used one.”
“If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going
to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous..”
“Did you hear the post office is thinking about
charging a dime just to mail a letter?”
“If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody
will be able to hire outside help at the store.”
“When I first started driving, who would have
thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess
we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.”
“Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail
hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing
you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls.”
“I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any
more.. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying
‘damn’ in ‘Gone With The Wind,’ it seems every new movie
has either “hell” or “damn” in it.
“I read the other day where some scientist
thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end
of the of the century. They even have some fellows
they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.”
“Did you see where some baseball player just
signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It
wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than
the president.”
“I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen
appliances would be electric. They are even making electric
typewriters now.”
“It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays.
I see where a few married women are having to work to
make ends meet.”
“It won’t be long before young couples are going
to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both
work.”
“Marriage doesn’t mean a thing any more; those
Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of
a hat.”
“I’m just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to
open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.”
“Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when
the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes
wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.”
“The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice
weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.”
“There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha
anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in
a hotel.”
“No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a
day in the hospital is too rich for my blood.”
“If they think I’ll pay 50 cents for a hair cut,
forget it.”

This is Dr. Seuss’ lost tongue twister.

Take your time and see if you can read each line
aloud without a mistake.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is dumbass cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line
from the top down and I Betcha you can’t resist passing it on.

A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by
the usher, he found that he was too far from the stage.

He whispered to the usher, “This is a mystery play, and I have
to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll
give you a handsome tip.”

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the
usher a quarter.

The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over
and whispers, “The wife did it.”

An Irishman who had a wee bit too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and, of course, his car is
weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”

“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few
to drink this evening”.

“That I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his
arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your
wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there,
I thought I’d gone deaf.”