Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

A dad walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is
spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they
walk through the market, someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong
moment. The coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He
immediately starts choking, going blue in the face and dad starts panicking,
shouting for help.

A well-dressed middle-aged, moderately attractive but serious woman in a
blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market, reading her
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she
looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her
newspaper and places it on the counter. She then gets up from her seat
and makes her unhurried way across the market.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy’s testicles and
squeezes gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds,
the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman
deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the
coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without
saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill- effects,
the father rushes over to the woman and starts effusively thanking her
saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was
fantastic! Are you a doctor?”

“Good heavens, no,” the woman replies. “I’m a divorce attorney.”

The Liebermans invited the Gores for dinner. The first course
was set in front of them and Joe announced, “This is matzoh
ball soup.”

Al was hesitant to taste this unfamiliar dish. Gently, Joe
pressed Al. “Just have a taste. If you don’t like it, you
don’t have to finish it.”

Finally Al agreed. He dug his spoon in, picking up a small
piece of matzoh ball with some soup and tasting it gingerly.
Then he really went to town and finished the soup.

“That was delicious,” Al said. “Can you eat any other parts
of the matzoh?

A hearse was taking a man to a remote cemetery on the top of a
mountain overlooking a small town. The driver took a curve too quickly
causing the casket to roll out of the back and down a very long hill.

There happened to be a Walmart store at the bottom of the hill and the
casket rolled through the open loading dock door, down one of the
aisles and right past the pharmacy counter.

As it rolled by, a cadaverous head peeked out of the casket and asked
the pharmacist, “do you have anything to stop this coffin”?

This is funny. If you don’t think so you may be upper management at
McDonnell-Douglas.
This allegedly was posted very briefly on the McDonnell-Douglas Website
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not have a sense of humor and made the web department take
it down immediately.. …
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out
the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is
not required, but the information will help us to develop new products
that best meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: …………………………..
Initial: ……..
Last Name: …………………………….
Password: ……………………….. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:…………………………….
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: …………………
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ……/……./……
4. Serial Number:…………………………………..
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iran
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
that apply.)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler’s check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas
serve you better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive
mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist
groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this
survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert
Thunder Sweepstakes!

Little Susan was mother’s helper. She helped set the table when
company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the
guest came in, and everyone sat down.
Then Mother noticed something was missing.
“Susan,” she said, “You didn’t put a knife and fork at Mr.
Smith’s place.”
“I thought he wouldn’t need them,” explained Susan. “Daddy says
he always eats like a horse!”