Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

A young couple got married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.
“Well, darling,” said her mother, “how was the honeymoon?”
“Oh, mother,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time! But, mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language…stuff I’d never heard before…really terrible 4-letter words… You’ve got to come and get me and take me home…PLEASE MOTHER!”
And the new bride began to sob over the telephone.
“But, Darling,” the mother countered, “WHAT 4-letter words?”
“I can’t tell you, mother,” said the daughter, “they’re too awful! COME AND GET ME, PLEASE!”
“Darling daughter, you must tell me what has you so upset…tell mother the 4-letter words!”
Still sobbing, the bride said, “Mother…words like DUST…WASH….IRON…COOK…”

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls
into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the chicken to go
and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the
farm but the farmer can’t be found. So, the chicken gets into the farmer’s
Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the mud hole.

Wasting no time, the chicken ties a rope around the bumper, and then
tosses the other end of the rope to the horse. As the horse hangs on for
dear life,the chicken drives the car forward, and saves the horse
from sinking.

A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again.
This time, the chicken falls into the mud hole. The chicken yells to the
horse to hurry and get the farmer, or the farmer’s Mercedes.

The horse then says, “Wait, I think I can stand over the mud hole!” So,he
stretches over the width of the hole and says to the chicken, “Reach up
and grab my “thingy”, and pull yourself up!!!”

And the chicken did so, and pulled herself up to safety.

The Moral of the Story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a
Mercedes to pick up chicks.

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk screams at the duck, “You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes.
I told you no every time that we don’t have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!” The duck left, and returned the next day.
This time he asked, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk replied, “No,” and the duck said, “Good! Got any grapes?”

A bus stops and two obviously Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I pee twice. Then I come once more.”
“You foul-mouthed wop swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”
“Hey, cool down lady,” said the man. “I was only tellin’ my friend here how to spell Mississippi.”

A drunk man in an olds mobile,
they said,had run the light,
that caused the six car pile up
on 109 that night,

when broken bodies lay about and blood was everywhere,
the sirens screamed out elegies
for death was in the air,

a mother trapped inside her car,
was heard above the noise,
her plainitive pleA nearly split the air
oh god plz save my boys!!

she fought to loose her pinioned hands,
she struggled to get free,
but mangled metal held her fast,
in graim captivity,

her tightened eyes then focused on where the back seat had once been ,
but all she saw was broken glass
and two childrens seats crushed in,

her twins where nowhere to be seen ,
she did not hear them cry,
and then she prayed they’d been thrown free,
oh god dont let them die!!

The firemen came and cut her loose,
but when they searched the back,
they found no little boys ,
but the seat belts where in tact,

they thought the woman had gone mad and was travelling alone,
but when they turned to question her,
they discovered she was gone,

policemen saw her running wild and screaming above the noise,
in beseeching supplication,
please help me find my boys,

there four yrs old and wear blue shirts
there jeans are blue to match
one cop spoke up,there here in my car ,and they dont have a scratch,

they said there daddy put them there and gave them each a cone ,
then told them both to wait for mum,
to come and take them home,

ive searched the area high and low,
but i cant find there dad,
he must have fled the scene ,i guess,
and that is very bad,

the mother hugged the twins and said ,while wiping at a tear,
he could not flee the scene ,you see,
for he’s been dead a year.

the cop looked confused and said,now how can that be true?
the boy said mummy,
daddy came and left a kiss for you,

he told us not to worry,
that you would be alright,
and then he put us in this car,
with the pretty ,flashing light,

we wanted him to stay with us,
because we miss him so,
but mummy,he just hugged us tight and said he had to go,

he said someday we’d understand and told us not to fuss,
and he said to tell you mummy ,hes watching over us,

the mother knew without a doubt that what they spoke was true,
for she recalled their dads last words,
“i will watch over you”

the firemens notes could not explain,
the twisted mangled car,
and how the three of them,
escaped without a single scar,

but on the cops report was scribed.
in print so very fine,
an angel walked the beat tonight
on highway 109