Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in an office: “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.”

Sign in a veterinary’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

Sign on music teachers’ door: “Out Chopin.”

Sign at the electic company: “We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”

Sign in beauty shop window: “Dye now!”

Sign on a garbage truck: “We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.”

Sign at a computer store: “Out for a quick byte.”

Sign on restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up.”

Sign in a bowling alley: “Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign at a hotel. “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”

Sign in a science teacher’s room: “If it moves, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.”

Sign in butchers window: “Pleased to meat you.”

Sign on auto body shop: “May we have the next dents?”

Sign at the dry cleaner’s window: “Drop your pants here.”

Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: “Reserved for plant manager.”

Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: “The manager has personally passed all the water served here.”

Sign in a Norwegian lounge: “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”

Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: “Please do not disturb further.”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign on a scientist’s door: “Gone fission.”

Sign in a taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”

Sign in a podiatrist’s window: “Time wounds all heels.”

Sign in a butcher’s window: “Let me meat your needs.”

Sign on used car lot: “Second hand cars in first crash condition.”

Sign on fence: “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”

Sign in a car dealership office: “The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

Sign over a cannibal’s hut: “I never met a man I didn’t like.”

Sign in a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in a realtor’s office: “Lots for little.”

Sign in a shoe store: “Come in and have a fit.”

Sign in a maternity clothes store: “We are open on labor day.”

Sign in a non-smoking area: “If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

Sign on the door of the maternity ward: “Push Push Push.”

Sign at entrance of the IRS: “Watch your step.”

Sign at the exit of the IRS: “Watch your mouth.”

Sign in a bookstore: “We treat you write.”

Sign on a front door: “Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.”