Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
How to impress a woman:
compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to impress a man:
Show up naked. Bring beer.
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
Some women are sitting around after a card party. They start
complaining about their sex lives.
First woman moans, “My husband is a musician. All he wants to
do is sing to it.”
Second woman moans, “My husband is a doctor. All he wants to
do is examine it.”
Third woman moans, “My husband is a psychiatrist. All he wants
to do is talk about it.”
A big grin on her face, the fourth woman says, “My husband’s
a mechanic. On our wedding night he tore hell out of it, and
has been working on it ever since.”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
Jon was talking to Al.
“So, Al, how’s it going with the ladies?”
“Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects.”
“Really?”
“Yep,” Al shook his head, “Whenever I mention sex, they
object.”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A woman went to an art gallery and was looking at all
the paintings. She came to one painting and became
very puzzled. The owner of the gallery walked by and
she asked him about the painting. She said, “There
are three naked black men in this painting but one of
them has a white dick. Why was it painted this way?”
The owner replied, “This is a picture of three coal
miners. The one with the white dick went home for lunch.”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A “Husband Shopping Center” was opened where a woman could go
to choose from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid
out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive
attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was,
once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man
from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn’t go
back down except to leave the place.
So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.
First floor, the door had a sign saying: “These men have jobs
and love kids.” The women read the sign and say: “Well that’s
better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder
what’s further up?” So up they go.
Second floor says: “These men have high paying jobs, love kids,
and are extremely good looking”. “Hmmm”, say the girls, “But,
I wonder what’s further up?”.
Third floor: “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good
looking, love kids and help with the housework.” “Wow!” say the
women. “Very tempting, BUT, there’s more further up!” And so again,
they go up.
Fourth floor: “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a
strong romantic streak.” “Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?!
What must be awaiting us further on!” So up to the fifth floor
they go.
The sign on that door said: “This floor is just to prove that
women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have
a nice day!!”