Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years
and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with
a pig ever since his wife died.
The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and
whether the pig is a male or female.
“No! I’m not doing it anymore!” says the farmer. “And the pig
is a female, of course. What the hell do you think I am — a
goddamn queer?”
Monday, July 18th, 2005
A city boy, Morris, moved to the country and bought a
donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver
the mule the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said,
“Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.”
“Well, then, just give me my money back.”
“Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
“OK, then. Just unload the donkey.”
“What ya gonna do with him?”
“I’m going to raffle him off.”
“You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
“Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked, “What
happened with that dead donkey?”
“I raffled him off. I sold 500 hundred tickets at two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898.”
“Didn’t anyone complain?”
“Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”
Friday, July 15th, 2005
A farmer had five female pigs and as times were hard,
he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five
male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the
pigs and split everything 50/50.
As the farmers lived 60 miles from each other, they
agreed to meet half-way and find a field in which to
mate their pigs.
The first morning the farmer with the female pigs got
up a 5 am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon,
and drove the 30 miles. While the pigs