Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

A slightly retarded farmer has a farm up the coast of California.
Unfortunately, there are no women around. He gets rather desperate,
and decides to try out an old mule. He puts a stepladder behind the
mule, lowers his pants, but then the mule walks forward. The farmer
gets down off the ladder, moves it forward, and tries again, with
the same outcome.

This process goes on for about 5 more iterations, until he finally
gets the idea to lead the mule up to the ocean, so the mule can’t
walk away. When he gets on the ladder again, he hears a cry for
help out to sea, and sees a drowning woman flailing her arms. He
jumps off the ladder, swims out to rescue her, and drags her back
in. The woman is totally nude, beautiful, and stacked as well.

After he revives her and nurses her back to health, she gazes into
his eyes with her limpid blue eyes, and says

“Oh sir! I’m so thankful to you for saving my life! I’ll do
anything to repay you! Anything!!”

So he says to her; “Could you hold that mule for me?”

Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only
real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing.

One day when he was out in the field, Jake’s wife brought his lunch to
him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a
constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake’s old mule
kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killed her
instantly.

At the wake, Jake’s minister noticed that when the women offered their
sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men
came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to
side.

When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister
approached Jake and asked, “Why was it that you nodded your head up and
down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the
men?”

Well, Jake replied, “The women all said how nice she looked, and her
dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The
men all asked, “Is that mule for sale!?’”

One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his
farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket
and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a
couple of chickens and a goose.
Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

The livestock dealer said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the
bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each
arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking he met a fair young lady with rather large
beautiful breasts. She told him she was lost, and asked,
“Can you tell me how to get to number 1515 Mockingbird Lane?”

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, I’m going to visit
my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let’s take a short cut and
go down this alley.
We’ll save half the time to get there”.

“How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won’t hold
me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?”

“I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose.
How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall
and do that?”

“Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the
anvil on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.

Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go
by from their park bench. Ethel said, “You know, Mabel, I’ve been
reading this ‘Sex and Marriage’ book and all they talk about is
‘mutual orgasm’. ‘Mutual orgasm’ here and mutual orgasm’ there -
that’s all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was
alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?”. Mabel thought for a
long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, “No, I think we
had State Farm.

A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years
and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with
a pig ever since his wife died.

The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and
whether the pig is a male or female.

“No! I’m not doing it anymore!” says the farmer. “And the pig
is a female, of course. What the hell do you think I am — a
goddamn queer?”