Monday, July 18th, 2005
Two Prostitutes meet at the entrance to their apartment block.
“Hi Lil ……… How’s Business ?”
“O-o-o-h … Busy …Busy …Busy !. I must have been up and down
those stairs 40 times today !”
“O-o-o-h …. Your poor Feet !”
Friday, July 15th, 2005
10. Keeps Bumping into the doors.
9. Doesn’t have his Mommy to protect him
8. Will not get his credits in Transporter Science
after he accidentally relocated the Academy to
South Pole
7. Boothby “accidentally” spraying water on him every
chance he can
6. Letters from Hugh G. Rection
5. Former Nova Teammates putting anti-matter in his bed
4. Thought his instructors were kidding when they said
“You think you are so smart? YOU teach the damned class!”
3. Academy Internet node does not carry alt.sex newsgroups
2. The commencement speaker will be the Captian of the
Boseman
1. He never gets to save the Academy from destruction
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
10) He doesn’t know how.
9) He doesn’t want to succumb to crew pressure.
8) He doesn’t want to lose the women attracted by his
sensitive side.
7) He doesn’t want to use the same effects as the old
show.
6) Emily Post recommends not firing on a first encounter.
5) It saves energy.
4) He is on the holodeck pretending he has a life.
3) He is promoting a kinder, gentler Starfleet.
2) The other ship is probably carrying a relative of
Tasha Yar.
1) What would his mother say?
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
Long ago in Israel the wisest man, a great philopher and thinker,
was holding audience. Everyone was there - the hall was packed out -
politicians at the front, professionals, doctors, lawyers next, then
businessmen, etc., with lesser beings further and further away.
He intones his most famous and deepest saying: “Life is like a fish”.
Everyone murmers in obedient and respectful agreement “How wise”,
“What a thinker”, “How true”, “What a man”.
At the very back of hall, a callow, spotty youth - a freshman
probably, sticks his hand up and asks “Why?”. Absolute horror
around the hall… They stare round enraged at him “How can he
question the great man?”, “Has he no sense at all?”. They stare
back anxiously at the great man - what will he do? He doesn’t react,
just sits there, pondering. The atmosphere is electric. After ten
minutes of deep thought, the great man looks up, the audience
expectant with bated breathe. He speaks. “Alright, so it’s not like
a fish”.
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
Three guys go into a bar: a guy from Dallas, a guy from San
Francisco, and a guy from Boulder. They drank and got a little rowdy.
Suddenly, completely without warning, the Texan grabbed a bottle of
tequila, unscrewed the top, took a good swig, and threw the bottle
into the air. He then jerked a Colt .45 pistol out of his pocket and
shot the bottle, spraying tequila all over everything and everybody.
The patrons at the bar shouted, “Hey, bud, why’d you waste that
tequila?”
The Texan said, “Heck, it’s just tequila. Us Texans go across the
border all the time and get all the tequila we want.”
Not to be outdone, the Californian whipped out a corkscrew and
uncorked a bottle of wine. He poured some into a glass, swirled it,
sniffed, commented on the tart insolence of its bouquet, sipped,
tossed the bottle in the air, nicked it with a round from a silly
little chrome-plated pistol, and showered a couple of patrons at the
bar with wine.
The patrons, upset by the casual waste and general lack of concern
for their safety, expressed their displeasure and astonishment, to
which the Californian replied, “Well, I’m from Napa Valley, and we
have more than enough wine where I come from.”
The Boulderite, a quiet observer up to this point, touched the
crystal hanging from his neck, adjusted his Birkenstocks, flipped
back his ponytail, put down his guitar, and borrowed a bottle opener
from the bartender. He popped the top off a bottle of Fat Tire beer,
hammered it back, threw the empty bottle into the air, pulled a 9mm
Beretta, took careful aim, shot both the Californian and the Texan,
and caught the falling bottle.
The patrons screamed in utter disbelief, “Why’d you do that?”
The Boulderite replied, “I’m from Colorado. We’ve already got too
many Texans and way too many Californians, but glass bottles, now
those can be recycled!”