Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One
day he has finally saved enough money, so he goes down to the
dealer. After he picks up the perfect bike, the dealer tells
him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his
new bike free from rust.

The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of
Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains and
everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.

After a couple of months he meets a lady and she asks him to
take her home to meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts
and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on
his Harley and they ride to her parents’ house.

Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family
tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the
dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for
the first person to speak and get stuck doing the dishes. After
a long 15 minutes the young man decides to speed things up, so
he reaches over and kisses the girl in front of her family. No
one says a word.

Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in
front of everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting
desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table.
They have even wilder sex. No one says a word.

By now he is thinking of what to do next when he hears thunder
in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on
his Harley, so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his jar
of Vaseline.

And the father shouts, ‘Okay damn it, I’ll do the dishes.’

One quiet evening at home, a man’s doorbell rang. He opened the
door to find a six-foot-tall cockroach standing outside. The
cockroach quickly punched him between the eyes and scuttled away.

The next evening the doorbell rang again. The man opened the door
to find the cockroach was back. This time the big bug punched him,
kicked him, and karate-chopped him before racing away.

On the third evening, the cockroach was back yet again. When the
man opened the door, it jumped at him and stabbed him several times
before running off.

Although gravely injured, he managed to crawl to the telephone and
call for an ambulance. He was rushed to intensive care, and his life
was saved. The doctor came to visit him during morning rounds the
following day and asked him what had happened. The man explained
about the cockroach’s attacks and the stabbing that almost killed
him.

After a moment’s thought, the doctor said, “Yes, I hear there’s a
nasty bug going around.

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole,
several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the
first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her
aside. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in
first-aid!”

The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the
shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part
about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”

If you’ve ended up in hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do you
tell them to go?

After a night out, this guy decides to invite some friends back
to show off his new apartment. After the grand tour, the
visitors were puzzled by the presence of a large gong in
middle of the living room.

“What’s that big gong do?” one of the guests asked.

“Why, that’s my talking clock” the gong’s owner replied.

“How does it work?” the guest asked.

“I’ll show you”, the man said, giving the gong an ear- shattering
blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the other
side of the wall screamed, “For God’s sake will you stop banging
that gong, it’s one-thirty in the damn morning!”

Li’l Naturalist Hornet Farm.

The Duncan Yo — Goes down, never comes back.
Teaches children about warranties.

5,200 Pick Up — a jumbo deck of cards that lets kids play a
larger version of their favorite game.

The “Learn About Puberty Chia Pet”.

Supersoaker 9000: For use on those hard to reach targets; NFL
referees, low flying planes, and many more. At close range it
can strip paint, clean rusty grills, and dig utility trenches.

The Laff-O-Minit Spellin’ Tootor.

Doggie Dentist — Kids learn about dentistry on the family
pooch.

Cuisin-Art — Turns mommy’s food processor into a spinning
paint tool.

Water Retention Wanda — Teaches kids the principles of the
calendar.

Chocolate Covered Lead Soldiers.

Islamic Strip Poker — lose a hand, lose a hand.