Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, “Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me, I said throw out the first pitch.”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
Clinton was at a fund raiser. He had to take a leak so he went
to the bathroom, stepped up to a toilet and whipped it out.
Just then Jessie Jackson walked in, went to the toilet next to
Clinton and took his out.
Clinton looked down and said “Geez, Jessie, how the heck did you
get such a big cock?”
Jessie said “Easy, every time I am about screw, I slap my dick
on the bed post four times, as hard as I can”.
Clinton put this in the back of his little mind. When Clinton
went home, he saw Hillary sound asleep. Bill felt the urge, so
he whipped little willie out and slapped it real hard four times
against the bed post.
At that time, Hillery said “Is that you Jessie?”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
Bill and Hilary Clinton were married for 40 years. When
they first got married Bill said, “I am putting a box
under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”
In all their 40 years of marriage Hilary never looked.
However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary
curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid
and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans
and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it
back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the
box, she was really curious as to why.
That evening while they were out for a special dinner
Hilary could no longer contain her curiosity and she
confessed, saying “I am so sorry. For all these years
I kept my promise and never looked into the box under
the bed. However today the temptation was too much and
I gave in. But now I need to know why you keep the cans
in the box?”
Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all
these years you deserve to know the truth.Whenever I
was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the
box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
Hilary was shocked, but said, “I am very disappointed
and saddened but I guess after all these years away
from home on the road, temptation does happen and I
guess that 3 times is not bad considering the years
we’ve been together.”
A little while later Hilary asked Bill “Why do you have
all that money in the box?”
Bill answered, “Whenever the box got full of cans, I
cashed them in.”
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader.
They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received
from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.
“The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport.
Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.”
President Clinton frowned. “Russian roulette’s not a friendly
nice game.” The African leader smiled. “That’s why we developed
African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our
country, you’ll have to play. I’ll show you how.” He pushed a
buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women
were ushered in. “You can choose any one of those women to give
you oral sex,” he told Clinton. This gained Clinton’s immediate
attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought
occurred to him. “How on earth is this related to Russian
roulette?” The African leader said “One of them is a cannibal.”
Monday, July 18th, 2005
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the
Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says
that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
He asks how she knows if they’re intelligent. “I do so by asking
them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”
She phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer
this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”
Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”
“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs
up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”
“Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he’d better put the
Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He
summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I
wonder if you can answer a question for me.”
“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?” “Uhh, your mother has
a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and
get back to you?” Bush agrees, and Helms leaves.
Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican
senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but
nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms
calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
“Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has
a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is
it?” Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course, you dumb
cracker.”
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims,
“I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!”
And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, it’s Tony Blair.”