Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and deliver a basket of
goodies to Grandmother when her mother stopped her, saying “Little Red,
you had better be careful in the woods because the Big Bad Wolf is out
today. If he catches you, he is going to lift up your little red dress,
pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off.”

“Oh I’ll be all right,” Little Red answered as she pulled out a rather
large shotgun from the basket she was carrying. Assured that her daughter
would be safe, she allowed Little Red to leave the house and begin the
journey to Grandmother’s house.

Along the trail in the woods Little Red came across her friends the three
little pigs (don’t ask what they are doing in the woods, after all it is
just a joke)

“Little Red, Little Red,” they called to her, “you had better be careful
because the Big Bad Wolf is in the woods today. He said that if he
catches you, he is going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your
little red panties and fuck your little red socks off.”

After showing them the shotgun and assuring her friends that she would be
all right, Little Red continued her journey to Grandmother’s.

Just then the Big Bad Wolf appeared and he said, “Little Red at last I
found you. You know what’s going to happen now, right? I am going to lift
up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your
little red socks off.”

“I don’t think so…” Little Red replied as she leveled the shotgun at the
wolf. She then lifted up her little red dress, and pulled down her little
red panties and said, “you’re going to eat me just like the book says….”

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from
their early childhood, right? But something you may
not remember is what the show was really about. As we’ve
gotten older, it has become more clear what Fred, Shaggy,
Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they
traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts
in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog
gallop across the country in their purple and green
van solving mysteries of all sorts — and in the process
meet all kinds of interesting people.

THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient
dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love
machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and
they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve
a mystery.

It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the
evidence…

Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration
for the current ‘grunge’ scene, with his sloppy dress
and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a ‘burner’,
i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is constantly
hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow
it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not
generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his ‘high’ from
Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever
Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack,
they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever
they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also
hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the
stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone
the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts
across the country (and the world — they drove to China
once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities
however…

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the
group to go ’solve the case’ by themselves. It’s no
real mystery what these two are really doing — they’re
getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Daphne,
with her pretty pink legs, and Fred are constantly bumping
uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids.
One thing that remains a mystery though, is why he always
wore that stupid scarf around his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone’s least favorite of the
cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out
in the later episodes, she was also into beastiality.
Where do you think Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who
was a dog yet spoke perfect English, was obviously a
product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around
the world, slangin’ dope, shooting steroids, eating
hash brownies, and fucking their dog, while all the
while looking for the perfect ‘hit’. Oh if we had only
known these things when we watched this cartoon as children…

It was Cinderella’s senior prom and her fairy godmother gave her
a beautiful dress, pair of slippers, and gloves, all of them were
white. The only problem was that it was that time of the month
for Cinderella. She told her fairy-godmother this and she said
“Ok, I’ll give you a magic tampon, the only thing is that you
must be home by midnight or it will turn into a pumpkin.”
Cinderella promised to be home by 12 and off she went to the
party.

At 11 o’clock the fairy godmother looked at her watch and said,
“It’s Ok she’ll be home in an hour. Then at 12 she looked at her
watch again and saw the time, she began to worry about
Cinderella.

1…2…3…4…5 read her watch, and still there was no sign of
her. Finally, at 6 am Cinderella walked through the door of the
house with a satisfied look on her face. “Where have you been?
I’ve been worried,” demanded the godmother.

Cinderella looked at her and with a sigh she said, “I was with
Peter…Peter……….”

Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that
it’s his daughter’s birthday and he hasn’t bought her a present.

He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the
shop assistant, “How much is that Barbie in the window?”

In a condescending manner, she says, “Which Barbie? We have
Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for
$19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach
for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced
Barbie for $265.00.”

Ralph asks, “Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the
others are only $19.95?”

“That’s obvious” the sales lady says. “Divorced Barbie comes with
Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, and Ken’s furniture.”

The New Barbie: Now, at long last some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide
with her true age. These are a bit more realistic…

Bifocals Barbie: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames
in six wild colors (half-frames too)! Plus neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie’s bellybutton and watch her face turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With
handheld fan and tiny tissues.

Facial Hair Barbie: As Barbie’s hormone levels shift, see her whiskers
grow! Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

Cook’s Arms Barbie: Hide Barbie’s droopy triceps with these new,
roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muumuus with
tummy support panels are included!

Bunion Barbie: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely
taken their toll on Barbie’s dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with
the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

No More Wrinkles Barbie: Erase those pesky crow’s-feet and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie’s own line of
exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

Soccer Mom Barbie: All that experience as a cheerleader is really
paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root
for Babs and Ken, Jr. With mini van in robins egg blue or white, and
cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

Mid-life Crisis Barbie: It’s time to ditch Ken! Barbie needs a change,
and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
with Prozac. They’re hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the
Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of “Breaking Up Is Hard
to Do.”

Divorced Barbie: Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car,
and Ken’s boat.

Single Mother Barbie: There’s not much time for primping anymore! Ken’s
shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie’s
across town with Babs and Ken, Jr., in a fourth-floor walkup. Barbie’s
selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete
garage sale kit included.

Recovery Barbie: Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does twelve steps instead of dance steps!
Clean and sober, she’s going to meetings religiously. Comes with little
copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.

Post-Menopausal Barbie: Poor Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes,
forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired
of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the
channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.