Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

The stockbroker’s secretary answered his phone one morning. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘Mr. Bradford’s on another line.’
‘This is Mr. Ingram’s office,’ the caller said. ‘We’d like to know if he’s bullish or bearish right now.’
‘He’s talking to his wife,’ the secretary replied. ‘Right now I’d say he’s sheepish.’

You know you Work in Corporate America in the 90’s if…

You’ve sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
The company logo on your badge is drawn on a post-it note.
When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
You learn about your layoff on CNN.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
Your supervisor doesn’t have the ability to do your job.
You sit in a cubical smaller than your bedroom closet.
Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third world countries’ annual budgets combined.
You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive. (for execs)
You think lunch is the two minutes you take to swallow your baloney sandwich whole while watching the next program load. (everyone else)
It’s dark when you drive to and from work.
Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
‘Communication’ is something your group is having problems with.
You see a good-looking person and know it is a visitor.
Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined as can’t walk or you’re in the hospital.
Art involves a white board.
You’re already late on the assignment you just got.
When 100% of your time means 20 hours.
You work 200 hours for the $50 bonus check (or the free movie ticket) and jubilantly say, ‘Oh wow, thanks!’
Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
Your boss’ favorite lines are ‘when you get a few minutes,’ ‘in your spare time,’ ‘when you’re freed up,’ and ‘I have an opportunity for you.’
Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.
Your relatives and family describe your job as ‘works with computers.’
Change is the norm. (And remember, change is GOOD!)
Nepotism is encouraged.
The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are changing in your cube.
You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

#Difference between Appearance & Reality
Appearance: You are urgently plugging numbers into a complicated spreadsheet.
Reality: You are playing Tetris.
Appearance: You are tapping away on calculator keys, helping out the accounting department.
Reality: You are paying your electric bill.

Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job: Needs more to do.
Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.
Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.
Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date.
Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together.

Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike: A coward.
Happy: Paid too much.
Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.
Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.
Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.
Internationally know: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.
Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.