Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

I have not seen anyone explain this as well as Cliff Clavin, on
the sitcom CHEERS. One afternoon at CHEERS, Cliff was explaining
the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here’s how it went: “Well,
ya see Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it
is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because
the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by
the regular killing of the weakest members.” “In much the same way,
the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but
naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In
this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.”
“That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the
crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard
drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who
can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left
shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.

“Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of
Guinness.

Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses
drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me
askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street
to see if I could do it first!”

The cowboy, Indian & Muslim at the bar: — On late one Saturday
afternoon, a local west Texas cowboy rode his horse into the
nearby town of Pecos and stopped at the local watering hole.
While seated at the bar having a beer, in walked an old Indian
and a devout Muslim, dressed with turban and all. Both persons
went to the bar and took a stool on either side of the cowboy.
Eventually, their conversation drifted around to their varying
cultures of history and background.

The native American stated, “Once my people were many, but now we
are few.”

The Muslim then chimed in and said, “Once my people were few, but
now we are many.”

The cowboy glanced at the Indian a moment, then he looked directly
at the Muslim and said with a sly grin, “That’s cause we ain’t
played cowboys and Muslims yet.”

A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife in unfaithful to me.
Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she
sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I
should do?”
“Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell
me, where exactly is Larry’s bar?”

Wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

OK…so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs”, what does that make
the Tennessee Titans?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one
enjoys it?

There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale
bread to begin with?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?
Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office in the
U.S.? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can
look for them while they deliver the mail?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive