Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

A Koala walks into a bar.

A hooker comes up to the Koala and says, “hey hairy, want a date?”

The Koala says sure, and they sit in a booth in the corner.

The hooker and the Koala start to get-it-on and end up with the
Koala performing oral sex on the hooker.

Afterwards the hooker tries to get her money, but the Koala refuses.

“Hey,” says the hooker, “don’t you know the definition of a hooker?”

And the Koala says, “No, sorry, I don’t.”

And the hooker says, “it’s someone who has sex for money.”

And the Koala says, “Well I guess you don’t know the definition
of a Koala.”

“What’s that?” asks the hooker.

“An animal that eats bushes and leaves.”

One day this big, nasty, sweaty woman wearing a raggedy
sleeveless sundress walks into a bar.

She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as
she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks,
‘What man out there will buy a lady a drink?’

The whole bar goes dead silent as the patrons try to ignore
her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little piss head slams
his hand on the bar and says,
‘Barman, I want to buy that ballerina a drink.’

The barman pours the drink and the woman chugs it down.
After she’s completed the drink, she turns again to the
throng and points around at all of them, again revealing
the hairy armpit, saying,
‘What man out there will buy a lady a drink?’

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the
bar and slurs to the barman,
‘Sir, I would like to buy the ballerina another drink.’

After serving the lady her second drink, the barman approaches
the little drunkard and says,
‘It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but
why do you keep calling her a ballerina?’

To which, the drunk replies, ‘Sir, in my eyes, any woman who
can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina.’

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol
on his breath and lipstick on his collar. “I assume,” she
snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come
waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning?”

“There is,” he replied. “Breakfast.”

A man had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
finally said that the bar was closing. So the man stood up to
leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more
time; same result. He figured he’d crawl outside and get
some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he
decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at
the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He
crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he
reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time
he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right
into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the
pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over
him, shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking again!!”
“What makes you say that?” he asked, putting on an innocent
look.

“The pub called — you left your wheelchair there again.”

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a
woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed
separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying, a pain in the butt.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, very picky, knows
exactly what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her; if she is interested,
she’ll send you a drink.

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings
with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy, thinks she is classy and sophisticated, but
actually has no clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is; this should be an
easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and is looking to get
totally drunk … and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this
evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her
mad!

Then there is the male addendum. The deal with guys is, as always,
very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated
image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give a hoot about anything but getting laid.

Tequilla: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He’s gay (and looking to get laid).