Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing
his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand
to ask a question.

‘Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?’

‘No, Dopey,’ responds the Pontiff, ‘there are not.’

‘Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?’ Dopey
questions.

‘No, Dopey,’ the Pope chuckles, ‘there are no dwarf nuns in
Italy.’

‘Mr Pope,’ Dopey asks pleadingly, ‘are there any dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world?’

‘No, Dopey,’ the Pope says sadly, ‘there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world.’

And softly in the background, the six remaining dwarfs start
chanting, ‘Dopey f***ed a penguin, Dopey f***ed a penguin.’

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled,
“STOP! Acts 2:38!” (”Repent and be baptized, every one of you,
in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.”)
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called
the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several
officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the
officers asked, “Why did you just stand there? All the lady did
was mention a scripture verse.”
“Scripture?” replied the burglar.
“She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”

The Boston Symphony Orchestra was performing Beethoven’s
Ninth Symphony. In the piece, there’s a long passage,
about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have
nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some
bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next
door for a drink. After slamming several beers in quick
succession, one of them looked at his watch. “Hey! We need
to get back!” he cried.

“No need to panic,” said a fellow bassist. “I thought we might
need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the
conductor’s score together with string. It’ll take him a few
minutes to get it untangled.”

A few moments later, the drunk musicians staggered back into
the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra.

About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor
seemed a bit edgy. She pointed this out to her date.

“Well, of course,” said her companion. “Don’t you see? It’s the
bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.”

The Boston Symphony Orchestra was performing Beethoven’s
Ninth Symphony. In the piece, there’s a long passage,
about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have
nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some
bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next
door for a drink. After slamming several beers in quick
succession, one of them looked at his watch. “Hey! We need
to get back!” he cried.

“No need to panic,” said a fellow bassist. “I thought we might
need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the
conductor’s score together with string. It’ll take him a few
minutes to get it untangled.”

A few moments later, the drunk musicians staggered back into
the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra.

About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor
seemed a bit edgy. She pointed this out to her date.

“Well, of course,” said her companion. “Don’t you see? It’s the
bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.”

The Boston Symphony Orchestra was performing Beethoven’s
Ninth Symphony. In the piece, there’s a long passage,
about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have
nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some
bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next
door for a drink. After slamming several beers in quick
succession, one of them looked at his watch. “Hey! We need
to get back!” he cried.

“No need to panic,” said a fellow bassist. “I thought we might
need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the
conductor’s score together with string. It’ll take him a few
minutes to get it untangled.”

A few moments later, the drunk musicians staggered back into
the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra.

About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor
seemed a bit edgy. She pointed this out to her date.

“Well, of course,” said her companion. “Don’t you see? It’s the
bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.”