Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

A sister and brother are talking to each other when
the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa
and says, “Grandpa, please make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “No.”

The little boy goes on, “Please .. please make a frog
noise.”

The Grandpa says, “No, now go play.”

The little boy then says to his sister, “Go tell Grandpa
to make a frog noise.” So the little girl goes to her
Grandpa and says, “Please make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “I just told your brother no and I’m
telling you no.”

The little girl says, “Please .. please Grandpa make
a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “Why do you want me to make a frog
noise?”

The little girl replied, “Because mommy said when you
croak we can go to Disney world!”

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking
for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested
a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This
seemed like the perfect gift. “How do I get him to sing?” The young
man asked, excitedly. “Simply hold a lighted match directly under his
feet,” was the shop owner’s reply. The shop owner held a match under
Chet’s left foot and Chet began to sing: “Jingle Bells! Jingle
Bells! …” The shop owner then held another match under the parrot’s
right foot. Then Chet’s tune changed, and the air was filled with:
“Silent Night. Holy Night…” The young man was so impressed that
he paid the shopkeeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet
under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. “How
beautiful!” She exclaimed, “Can he talk?”
“No,” the young man replied, “but he can sing. Let me show you.” So the
young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet’s left foot,
as the shopkeeper had shown him, and Chet crooned “Jingle Bells! Jingle
Bells!….”
The man then moved the lighter to Chet’s right foot, and out came:
“Silent Night. Holy Night…”
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, “What if we hold
the lighter between his legs?” The man did not know. “Let’s try it.” He
answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between
Chet’s legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, the little
parrot sang out loudly (like it was the performance of his life):
“Chet’s nuts roasting on an open fire….”

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking
for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested
a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This
seemed like the perfect gift. “How do I get him to sing?” The young
man asked, excitedly. “Simply hold a lighted match directly under his
feet,” was the shop owner’s reply. The shop owner held a match under
Chet’s left foot and Chet began to sing: “Jingle Bells! Jingle
Bells!…” The shop owner then held another match under the parrot’s
right foot. Then Chet’s tune changed, and the air was filled with:
“Silent Night. Holy Night…” The young man was so impressed that he
paid the shopkeeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet
under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. “How
beautiful!” She exclaimed, “Can he talk?”
“No,” the young man replied, “but he can sing. Let me show you.” So
the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet’s left
foot, as the shopkeeper had shown him, and Chet crooned “Jingle
Bells! Jingle Bells!….”
The man then moved the lighter to Chet’s right foot, and out came:
“Silent Night. Holy Night…”
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, “What if we
hold the lighter between his legs?” The man did not know. “Let’s try
it.” He answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter
between Chet’s legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, the
little parrot sang out loudly (like it was the performance of his
life):
“Chet’s nuts roasting on an open fire….”

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see
from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack.
So he says, “Ms.Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and
go on a long vacation.”
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to
borrow. The frog says $30,000. The banker asks his name and the frog
says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that
it’s OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that
he will need to secure some collateral against the
loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog
says, “Sure I have this,” and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant,
about half an inch tall! Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the
manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger
out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he
wants to use this as collateral.”
She holds up the tiny pink elephant.
“I mean, what the heck is this?”

(Are you ready?¿?)

(You’re gonna hate me!)

“The bank manager looks back at her and says: “It’s a knick knack,
Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a
Rolling Stone.

There was this guy who was lonely, and decided life
would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the
pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy
an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally
bought a centipede, which came in a little white box
to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location
for the box, and decided he would start off by taking
his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like
to go to Frank’s with me and have a beer?”

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes
and then asked him again, “How about going to the
bar and having a drink with me?”

But again, there was no answer from his new friend
and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the
situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this
time putting his face up against the centipede’s house
and shouting, “HEY, IN THERE! WOULD YOU LIKE
TO GO TO FRANK’S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK
WITH ME?”

A little voice came out of the box: DON”T SHOUT!
“I heard you the first time!
I’m putting on my shoes.”