Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

See how your logic is in figuring this out.

A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between
three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second
is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full
of lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest
for him?

(scroll down for answer……..)

The third. Lions that haven’t eaten in three years are dead.

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his
faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing
butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So,
wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his
direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, “Boy, I’m in deep doo doo now.”
Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately
settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching
cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly,
“Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more
around here?”
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look
of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”,
says the leopard. “That was close. That dog nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a
nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and
trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the
dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured
that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the
leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the
leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here
monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that
conniving canine.”
Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back,
and thinks,” What am I going to do now?”
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his
attackers pretending he hasn’t seen them yet. And just when they
get close enough to hear, the dog says, “Where’s that monkey. I
just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring
me another leopard, and he’s still not back!”

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls
over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the
highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what’s wrong? “I feel
terrible,” he explains, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed
it.”

The blonde says, “Don’t worry.” She runs to her car and pulls out
a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down
and spray the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves
its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet
away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down
the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves and repeats this again and again and again, until
he hops off out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, “What
is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?” The woman turns
the can around so that the man can read the label. It says…..
(Are you ready for this?)

Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave.

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you
when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG………..

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first
was an engineer, who said his dog could do math with calculations.
His dog was named T-Square, and he told him to get some paper and
draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no
sweat.

The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was
named Slide Rule. He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring
them back and divide them into piles of three, which he did with
no problem.

The chemist said that was good, but he said his dog was better. His
dog, Measure, was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces
into a ten-ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem. All three
men agreed this was very good and their dogs were equally smart.

They all turned to the government worker and said,”What can your dog
do?”

G-Man called his dog whose name was Coffee Break, and said, “Show the
fellows
what you can do.”

Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on
the paper, claimed he injured his back, filed a grievance for unsafe
working conditions, applied for Workman’s Compensation and left for
home on sick leave.