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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

1. When talking to your roommate, alternate the pitch of your voice.

2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.

3. Twitch a lot.

4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.

5. Buy a fish tank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.

6. Become a subgenius.

7. Pretend to type in the middle of the air. Complain about how slow the computer has been recently.

8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.

9. Speak in tongues.

10. Move you roommate’s personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.

11. Walk and talk backwards.

12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.

13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, “They’re more than meets the eye.”

14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. “The Road Warrior,” “Repo Man, “Casablanca,”) almost inaudibly.

15. Carry an unplugged phone around your room pretending to talk to people.

16. Carry old orange juice around with you everywhere you go.

17. Chain yourself to your roommate’s bed. Get him/her to bring you food.

18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.

19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in “just for a couple of weeks.”

20. Move your mouth when you’re silent and move your mouth as little as possible when you talk.

21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.

22. Eat only lemons. Every five minutes, offer your roommate a lemon.

23. Whenever your roommate turns your way, begin frowning.

24. Smile. All the time.

25. Cover up your mouht before talking to anyone.

26. Write your roommate’s name in big print on hundreds of pages of paper. Leave pages all over the room. If he asks about it, say you didn’t write it.

27. Hide a bunch of potato chips in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.

28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate’s desk. Include a list of grievances.

29. Apoligze to your roommate. If he asks why, tell him that he should know better than you.

30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.

31. Dye all your underwear lime green.

32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.

33. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.

34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate’s closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.

35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate’s parents (postage due).

36. Leave a marble in your roommate’s bed every day.

37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.

38. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.

39. Paint your half of the room black.

40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with “Didja ever wonder why….” Be creative.

41. Shave one eyebrow.

42. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter “Gotta save space,” twenty times while twitching violently.

43. Put horse radish in your roommate’s shoes.

44. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.

45. Always flush the toilet three times.

46. While you’re roommate is there and you are not, secretly order a pizza up to him using his name.

47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic’s “Pennsylvania Polka,” and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it’s an assignment for your primitive cultures class.

48. Give him/her an allowance.

49. Listen to radio static.

50. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.

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