YOU ARE IN A REDNECK CHURCH IF…..
July 19th, 2005
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase
of a chandelier because none of the members know how to play one.
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the multitudes,
whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was
used to catch ‘em.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church
holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck because “It hain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t git out
of.”
The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.
There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable.
High notes on the pump organ set the coon dogs on the floor to
howling.
People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something
too heavy.
The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo
from) The Happy Hawg Barb-B-Q.
The collection plates are really hub caps from a ‘53 DeSoto.