PREGNANCY ADVICE…..
July 19th, 2005
Advice Column About Pregnancy… [not sure where I got this,
but it is good]
Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air
current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.
Q. Do I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.
Q. I’m modest. Once I’m in the hospital to deliver, who will see
me in that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only — doctors, nurses, orderlies,
photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc;
(but not husbands)
Q. What is the grasp reflex?
A. The reaction of new fathers when they see a new mother’s breasts.
Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her
plans to nurse.
Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they’re thrown away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of
global chemical warfare.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.
Q. What causes baby blues?
A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.
Q. What are night terrors?
A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she’s
pregnant again.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to
feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.