OLD LADIES….
July 19th, 2005
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, “Do you still get horny?”
The other replies, “Oh sure I do.”
The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?”
The second old lady replies, “I suck on a lifesaver.”
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to
the beach?”
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding
her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not
intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing
up in this high wind?”
“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this
hat.”
“But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the
gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir,
anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this
hat yesterday!”
Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go
by from their park bench. Ethel said, “You know, Mabel, I’ve been
reading this ‘Sex and Marriage’book and all they talk about is
‘mutual orgasm.’ ‘Mutual orgasm’ here and mutual orgasm’ there -
that’s all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband
was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?”.
Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and
said, “No, I think we had State Farm. ”
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement
home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green
grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness
of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much
bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big
onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, but
I remember the guy you’re talking about.”