TRUTH FOR WOMEN….
July 18th, 2005
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be
yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats
your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to
realize that you had set it free ……. You either married it or gave
birth to it.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks
two sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, “You
know, sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my address,
my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are:
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they
kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
Women over 50 don’t have babies because they would put them down and
forget where they left them.
One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 lb box of candy can make a woman
gain 5 lbs.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know
what you’re doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then,
your body and your fat are really good friends.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together
and setting my pantyhose on fire.
A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She
had 14 kids, but she doesn’t really care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn’t all
that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said,
“Body, how’d you like to go to the six o’clock class in vigorous
toning?” Clear as a bell my body said, “Listen witch… do it and die.”
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
and then they marry him.
If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
If we are what we eat, I’m cheap, fast, and easy.