Top Ten Drug-Using Cartoon Suspects
July 15th, 2005
10. Gargamel (From the Smurfs)
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in
sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to
do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
9. Olive Oyl
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that
skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she is always giving her burger to
her friend. One side question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus
thinking? What is it her personality? NOT!
8. Snagglepuss
Can’t explain it. Maybe it’s the name, or the look, but he is
suspicious.
7. He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c’mon. Roid monkey #1. “BY THE POWER
OF ANABOL!!!!!!” Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his
castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the
shit in his pet tiger. Can we say “Animal Abuse”?
6.& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back
to the cave and trip. Another side ? - Are they gay? I mean, take a
look at BooBoo. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…..
4. Droopy
The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can’t someone slip him
an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him happy is when
he sees the picture of the babe. Sort of makes you wonder.
3.Dopey Dwarf
He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they
are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is writing some extra
scripts for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are afloat.
2.Daffy Duck
If he isn’t using crack, Merion Barry is clean. He is so wired he
bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the
time. Some symptoms might be from “daffiness” but Haldol wouldn’t
work for him.
1.Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the
boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the
Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per
episode does pot no if, ands, or, buts about it. And Look at the way
him and his friends painted that van! Pretty rad design dude.