FACTS OF MARRIAGE
July 15th, 2005
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created
man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man
has rested.
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state
troopers and a dog.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mother-in-laws.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classified: “Wife wanted”. Next day
he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can
have mine.”
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to
forget it once.
First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to
every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
The bumper sticker read: “I lost 130 pounds in one day, I divorced
her.”
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
beautiful.