Unique Jokes.com, A funny blog…

1.Nitroglycerin suppository
2.My First (and Last) Dr. Kevorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
3.Paper cuts from hate mail
4.Wine press
5.Random act of terrorism
6.Dissolved inorganic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
7.Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
8.Exploding gas barbeque
9.Date with Lorena Bobbitt / Tonya Harding
10.Rusty meat hook
11.Pulp digester / Saw mill
12.Sexually transmitted disease
13.Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
14.Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
15.Barney meets the Terminator. “Hasta la vista…BARNEY!”.
16.Exploding school bus
17.Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
18.Children’s Tylenol laced with cyanide
19.Sacrifice to a tribal god
20.Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
21.Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
22.Asphixiation on a Twinkie
23.Bungee jumping with cord tied around neck
24.1000 RPM merry-go-round
25.Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
26.Dragged behind a schoolbus on a gravel road
27.Tail caught in elevator doors
28.Legalization of purple slavery
29.Home lobotomy kit
30.Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydroflouric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
31.Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal.
32.Thrown in a vat of bleach.
33.Close encounter with a white supremist.
34.Sucked into a turbo-prop engine
35.Submerged into a CANDU reactor
36.Swarmed by killer bees
37.Purple parasites
38.Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
39.Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)
40.Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
41.Assilimation by the Borg.
42.Accupunture with a nail gun
43.Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw
44.Hit and run at a school crossing
45.Exploding in an industrial-sized microwave oven
46.Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
47.Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry
48.Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
49.Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife
50.Harpooned by a whaling ship
51.Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and “accidentally” pummelled with a baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature)
52.Served as Thanksgiving dinner
53.Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate, anyone?)
54.OOPS! Barney shouldn’t have soldered that propane tank while full.
55.Mistaken for a Pinyata
56.Run over by a zamboni
57.”I love you” song triggers avalanche.
58.”Accidentally” shoved in front of a subway train
59.Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY
60.Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature
61.Crushed between plates in a fault line
62.Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties (would you like McFries with that?)
63.Inquiring minds want to know…What is the tensile strength of Barney?
64.Used as a crashtest dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what can happen to you if you don’t wear your seatbelt.
65.Barney becomes one with Oscar Mayer
66.Barney used as shark bait
67.Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study
68.Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu knives. Even after cutting this tin can, the Ginsu knives rip through purple flesh with ease.
69.Diplomatic mission with Klingons
70.Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk
71.Nato air strike
72.Live organ donor
73.Egyptian mummificaton ritual
74.Plummet into an active volcano
75.Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants
76.Conversion to sugar glazed junk food
77.Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer
78.Pilgrimage to the Holy land
79.Purple Jonestown reagent
80.Visit to the taxidermist.
81.Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter
82.Take him off Prozac
83.Forced to watch “the Wall” video without his happy pills
84.100 hours of continuous “Black Sabbath”
85.Lead role in a snuff film
86.Tarred and feathered by crazed parents
87.Spontaneous combustion
88.Bludgeoned to purple paste
89.Compressed to a singularity
90.Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post
91.Sent to a Bill’s game dressed as a Miami Dolphin
92.The plague
93.Extruded through microcapilliaries
94.Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson
95.Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
96